Baby Wiener

I had quite a surprise when I turned on the television today.  

The television was on channel TLC when I turned it on.  I pressed the "info" button on the remote to see what the show was.  The show was called "Baby Wiener".  No, I didn't make that up.  It's for reals.

Being the mature, sophisticated and classey woman I am I immediately start snickering and guffawing.  Is this what programming has gone to - shows about baby genitalia?  Really?!

Then I read past the title of the show to discover it's an episode of a series called "Baby Stories" where they chronicle families having babies.  So, yeah - I guess that Wiener is the family's last name.  Of course, this is still snicker and guffaw-worthy but just not as much.

And the saddest part is that what's most snicker and guffaw-worthy is me.  HAR!  Ugh...

I couldn't resist

Yes, I know this is a repeat but I couldn't help it.

I can't get it out of my head. Probably because Elsie, Jemmy and I sang it (and danced along) for about 90 minutes today. Yikes...

"But is he Tom Selleck hot?"

Last week I met my friends Catherine and Rhonda for drinks.  

If the cosmos hadn't been so free-flowing I might remember more details about the story but here's the gist:

Rhonda:  I was dating this guy who's older than I'm normally attracted to but he was super hot

Catherine:  But is he Tom Selleck hot?

Me:  Baa ha ha ha! (spraying delicious cosmo droplets while I guffaw)

Rhonda:  Did you just say that?  Did you just use Tom Selleck as the gauge of hotness?

Catherine:  Yes (but said sheepishly)

So there you have it, gentle readers.  Tom Selleck.  Who knew?

Yes, I have a pepaw crush - my heart belongs to Tommy Lee Jones.  Smart and Southern?  Yes, please!  

But would I use TLJ as my gauge for hotness?  Nah - that's reserved for Scott Baio.

I need this

I thought I had a pretty good life until I saw this.  Now it's entirely too clear what my life has been missing:  a scarecrow toilet cozy set.  Will somebody please buy this for me and make my life complete?

Fisting. It's the new black.

Fisting. Lately it's everywhere.

I remember back in the day (2007 was it?) when it seemed like Michael and I were the only ones that talked about it (on a daily basis...). And we still do. Um, yeah...

It's only a matter of time before it becomes a competition event on Rock of Love Tour Bus. Hi oh!

CrocsFest2009

I spent last weekend in Hawaii.  Honolulu to be exact.  The weather was great.  Had a fabulous time.  Saw and did many things.  

The one thing I wish I could erase from my memory is the number of people wearing Crocs.  Yes, Crocs.  You've seen them, yes?  Those rubber (plastic?) clog-esque "shoes" that come in a rainbow of colors and make your feet look positively atrosh.

I thought that it was upsetting enough to see random individuals "rocking the Crocs" but this trip exposed me to a new level of Croc-ation Nation:   Families in Crocs.  Ay dios mio...

Seriously.  I can't tell you how many times I saw this.  Mom, Dad and any number of offspring rocking the Crocs.  Sometimes they even added charms or some other personal adornment.  Um, cute?

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying I've never fallen victim to an awful shoe trend (don't get me started on the 80s jelly shoes) but my entire family never wore matching shoes.  What is going on here?  All I know is that it's a world I don't want to live in.  I don't think this family Croc-ation Nation is popular here in Oakland but I plan to stop looking at the ground and people's shoes just in case.  I simply can't bear the visual assault.

Is this a hint?

I was at the pharmacy next to Trader Joe's (Rockridge) yesterday.  I think it's called Pharmacia?  Pharmacaca?  Pharmaldahyde?  Whatever...

The lady (her name tag read "Regina - esthetician") working there was helping me find a facial scrub.

Then she suggests I try out some face powder.  Oh - I should have prefaced by saying I went in there totally fresh-faced.  Nothing but sunscreen and rosacea (and a pimple or two) on my face.  So, yeah - she suggests powder and I don't object.  I don't have to buy it and it can't hurt to have a dewy, shine-free finish on my skin when I head to Trader Joe's for my grocery shopping.

As Regina - esthetician is leaning over my face applying powder she says "I also do brow waxing if you're interested".  Um, OK.  How does one respond to that?  It's clear I don't currently wax my brows so she's not suggesting it as an option for "maintenance".  So clearly she's implying that my natural brows are unsightly, right?  

What's a girl to do?  I wasn't born with sparse, chola-esque brows.  Nor do I have a unibrow.  I don't think it's wrong to have natural, middle of the road brows.  Is it?