I promise you - I'm not cooking meth. I'm just congested.

All week I've been plagued by ear issues.  Is it due to Monday's swimming hi jinks?  Is it allergy congestion?  Only Jesus and/or Cher know...  

Anyhoo, today I followed my mom's advice and stopped by the Longs Drugs pharmacy to ask what they suggest for my earache/ stuffiness issue.  Lady (and I use that term loosely) is all "If it's water in your ear, use Swimmer's Ear drops.  If it's congestion, breathe in lots of steam, drink a lot of water and take a decongestant like Sudafed".  I'm all "OK".  Then I go to buy Sudafed from the shelf.  Turns out they don't sell it -  you have to pick up a card, bring it to the pharmacy and purchase there.  Annoyance #1:  why didn't "lady" save me a trip to the shelf if I was just going to end up back at the pharmacy counter?

I hand the Sudafed card to "lady".  She's all "Wait and I'll get this for you".  She comes back and is all "Someone else has to ring this up for you".  I'm all "Hmph!".  Then the other "lady" comes to ring me up and pulls out a Trapper Keeper notebook I need to fill out.  Annoyance #2:  they make me give my name, address, signature and show my ID in order to buy one box of Sudafed.  WTF?!

Take one look at me and you know I'm don't have a meth habit.  Come on - I'm overfed and (in my humble opinion) have nice teeth.  These are not qualities that describe your typical meth user.

After all this hullaballoo at Longs this Sudafed had better work or else...

Are You There, Nature? It's Me, IAH.

I went camping (for the first time ever!) this past weekend.  That's right.  Me.  Camping.  It really happened.  And I have witnesses (and a blister on my toe) to prove it.

Spent the weekend with The Tami and Sean (and their pup Sienna).  Ate super well.  Sean is a whiz with a camping stove.  We had shrimp and scallop risotto on Friday night.  Dude!!!

Hiked from Pan Toll to Stinson Beach on Saturday (hence the toe blister).  It was dusty but beautiful.  Redwoods galore.  Then lunch at Stinson, naps at the beach and cocktails before heading back up the hill.

Overall - the camping was fun.  The nights were too warm (don't know what the sleeping bag was lined with - live alpacas?!) but no other complaints.  Hurrah!!

Invasion of the Crystal Gayles

Seems like these days I just can't get away from the Crystal Gayle hair.  What is going on here?  Perhaps I should start a website for chronicling these sightings (ala MulletsGalore.com)?

The latest sighting was at (Popo)Zao in Emeryville.  Emeryville, people!  That's too close to Oakland.  Too close for comfort.  And I spotted this one myself while lunching with Loraine and The Tami.  I was almost too upset to eat my DanDan Noodles (but I was able to maintain, thankfully..).

Adventures on Public Transportation

I rarely take BART.  Because I hate people, the environment and the lack of oxygen on BART trains.

But - from time to time it happens.  I'll take BART.  But only on special occasions.  Tuesday night was one of those occasions.  Nothing noteworthy on the ride in (except that I sat with The Tami - always a treat!).  But the ride home was another story...

Between Montgomery and Rockridge stations I saw:

• a woman (not Katie Holmes) reading "Dianetics" (WTF?  Hail Xenu!)
• exposed breast (OK - she was breast-feeding but come on - use a drape or something!  BART isn't Hooters...)
• a guy I went to high school with (I can't escape my hometown)
• a hot guy wearing old school Air Jordans (sigh...)

All the while I'm minding my own business and listening to Bread on my iPod.

Angel Soft? My Ass...

Being a creature of habit I have purchased the same brand of terlet paper for years.  I don't know the brand but the package has a bunch of pink on it.  Not only is the packaging hella pretty but that sheesh is soft - just the way I like it.

The other day I went to my local Long's Drugs to buy terlet paper (along with tampons, Long's Drugs brand lube, douche and a #2 pencil).  My local Long's Drugs is wee - about the size of my foot.  OK - that's an exaggeration.  The store is larger than a woman's size 6.5 but you know what I mean...

Being a wee store they didn't have my pink packaging terlet paper so I bought what I thought would be a suitable substitute.  A number labeled "Angel Soft".  How could I resist?  I've never touched an angel but I suppose they're soft.  Couldn't wait to get home and try it out.  I imagined it would feel like wiping with a cloud.

Let me just say that if this is what angels feel like - get me some angel repellant.  Who allowed the company to use this name?  It's totally misleading - an outrage.  They should change the name of this terlet paper from "Angel Soft" to "Knuckle Sandwich Soft" - that's simply more honest.

Viva Los Gigantes!

Shield your eyes, children.  Yes, those are actual images of acid wash jeans and exposed azzcrack.  What is with today's youth?!  Ay dios mio...

Went to the Giants game last night with a pack of friends and silliness ensued.  The first photo is of sweet, innocent, naive IAH and JLib drinking beers before going to the game.  Little did we know what high jinks awaited us.

The night's high/low-lights:

• finding street parking near the ballpark - hurrah!
• arriving on time to meet our friends at Momo's - woot woot!
• it was Emiko's first baseball game - can I get a what what?
• hanging out with Michael's new work pal Jess - good times!
• a girl sitting in front of us was wearing acid wash jeans - oy!
• JLib doing the "Carlton Dance" (whatever that is) and getting on the big screen - sweet!
• JLib being chastised by the pretzel lady for requesting a pretzel with "some salt"(when the only two options were with or without salt) - shame!
• exposed azzcrack in negative 5 degrees fahrenheit weather (OK, it wasn't really that cold but still - that azz should have been covered up) - gag me with a spoon!
• the drunkard "lady" putting the moves on Michael by mocking his moustache while grabbing her breasts - dude...

OMG - Crystal Gayle!

Who has the greatest, silliest friends in the whole wide world?  IAH does, that's who.

Here's the situation.  Elsie's on vacation this weekend.  I'm sitting at the kitchen table this morning sipping on coffee and singing along to Oingo Boingo (don't judge me...).  Suddenly a text message comes through on my phone.  It's a photo text.  I'm thinking "Oh - must be a cute Dean photo from his first plane trip".  I'm giddy with anticipation for the photo to load.  But instead it's this photo of a random woman she spotted in a parking lot rocking Crystal Gayle hair.  Crystal Gayle hair kills me - just kills me - every time I see it.  I can't help but stare, comment, gag, point and laugh.  But to have this sent via text just takes it to a whole new level.  Thank you, Elsie.  You've made my day.

Now - don't get me wrong.  I'm not hating on Crystal Gayle.  How could I?  Not only is she Loretta Lynn's sister (you know I love love love Loretta Lynn) but she sings my theme song "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue".  OK, it's not my theme song (but I do have brown eyes so she must be singing about me, right?).  It's just that Crystal Gayle hair is so, well, you know...

But, really, this is my favorite Crystal Gayle song (didn't I tell you not to judge me?!).