Quote of the weekend

This past weekend was Elsie's bachelorette party in Big Sur (woot woooot!).

Six of us spent the weekend at a cute, wee cabin. As you can imagine - there were lots of laughs and good times.

However - my favorite quote of the weekend comes from this scenario:

Cat turns the oven on to make dinner. This crazy, pyewy gas smell comes flowing out of the oven. Cat goes to the front desk/ shanty to ask someone to take a look at the oven. This young guy clad in tie dye comes to the door later. He walks in and hesitantly says "I hear you ladies have a gas problem?". And we all crack up (because we're mature).

Quote of the week (6.19)

This week's winner: Elsie (again?!) with "her hair smells like a hand job?!".

We (Elsie, Loraine and I) were at Godspeed on Wednesday night to see Manfu go-go dance and drink $1.50 cans of Olympia (heaven!).

Two guys sitting next to us at the bar start chatting with us. One says he likes the way my hair smells (aw...). He smells Loraine's hair and says "Smells like a head shop". Loraine misunderstands him and says "My hair smells like a head chop?!". Elsie further misunderstands and says "Did you say her hair smells like a hand job?!".

Quote of the week (6.12)

This week's winner is: Elsie.

Yesterday we were in the car when we started thinking about how long we've known each other (seven or eight years?). I said I'd look up my GCC start date so we could find out exactly when we met and celebrate our anniversary going forward.

Elsie says "I celebrate you every day". Har!! And it's only funny because it's true ;)

The Crystal Gayles are closing in on me

OK. OK. I know this isn't a very clear photo but trust me - she's totally rocking the Crystal Gayle. No, I'm not talking about Elsie (I just had to pretend to be taking a picture of her to not startle the Crystal Gayle).

I know I've said before that the Crystal Gayles are closing in on me but this time it's gone too far. Hella serious. DEFCON 5, people. This specimen was spotted at Cafe Biere which is dangerously close to my home. I'm freaking out.

BTW - we love Cafe Biere on Wednesday nights (and you should, too).

Delirium Tremens

Had beers last night at Cafe Bierre with Jemmy and Elsie.  Super fun!  

I thought the night couldn't get any better after Michael Jackson's "PYT" came on the radio (and you know how I like my Michael Jackson...).  But when Jemmy confessed she once cried because she came to the realization that she'd never be able to marry Michael Jackson, I almost lost it.

Housewhores, mac 'n' cheese and cackles

Last night's viewing of the Real Housewhores was classic.  CLASSIC!

It started with a delish dinner of homemade mac 'n' cheese (thanks, Elsie!) and salad (thanks, Tami!).  This was all topped off by a cupcake tasting in preparation for Elsie's nuptials.  The peanut butter cupcake was far away the crowd favorite (and I'm still daydreaming about it now...).

The Housewhores were totally cackle-worthy.  And swoon-worthy (did you see Bethenny's hot Frenchie?!).  

But even better was our viewing of Daisy of Love afterward.  We all had to choose "boyfriends" (tough considering the pool of tards/ applicants).  My favorite line from the night came when Elsie said "he looks like he rode the short bus to the cemetary".

No, wait.  My favorite line was when Elsie yelled "you're all doofed up on hupcakes" (I think she meant to say "hopped up on cupcakes" but I'm not entirely sure.  I'm not fluent in Elsie-ese.

The adventures of Dean and the pudgy kittehs

Dean (and his mom) came over today to cuddle with the kittehs.  Oh, and hang my new bedroom curtains (have I ever told you that Elsie is my Schneider?).  Elsie rocks!!

How can you resist the cutest toddler in town when he's wearing a tank top.  A TANK TOP, people!!  Even the curmudgeonly kittehs couldn't resist his charms (and drool, hugs and kisses).

It's the little things that make me happy

I'm a simple woman.  Small things make me very happy.  Right now I'm drinking water from this hella sweet Pabst glass that Elsie gave me.  She salvaged it from a box of miscellaneous sheesh that she found on CraigsList.  And I love it.

Marvin is curled up (and squeezed) in a box next to me on the kitchen table.  I love it.

And the City of Oakland remembered to send me a parking permit renewal form (they forgot last year).  I love it.

It's been a good day.  And I haven't even told you about my morning with Elsie and Dean.  We worked on wedding invitations (they're going to be darling!) and had a great lunch at Rudy's Can't Fail.  Ah...good times.

Even the cats love The Real Housewhores

Last night's gathering of friends to watch/mock The Real Housewhores of NYC was exceptional.  So good, in fact, that the cats even got into it (see photos above).

Jemmy, Loraine and The Tami came over for dinner and a good, old-fashioned Housewhore mockery.  Jemmy made the most delish salad, The Tami brought the happiness trifecta (wine, cheese and crackers) and Loraine brought homemade peanut butter rice krispie treats.  I contributed a loaf of bread (which my mom actually bought for me [true story...]).

Sadly we were missing the third member of the Tourette Triplets - Elsie Clever.  She was home sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection (which I believe is her idea of a euphemism for "the period before her period").

Thanks to The Tami's quick thinking (and quick texting skills) the night before I was able to VHS the sneak preview episode of Real Housewhores of NJ.  Oh - this is going to be a good year...

"The hobbit gets down!"

Last night Jemmy, Elsie and I went to see The Lumerians at The Bottom of the Hill.

A super fun time was had by all but my favorite part of the night was when Elsie leans over and whispers in my ear "The hobbit gets down" about a certain small statured woman standing behind engaging in hippie dancing.

I don't know karate but I know crazy

Oh, how I love this song. And, seriously - I need to say "I don't know karate but I know crazy" more often. Well, because it's true.

Note to self: Have Elsie sew me a cape with her new sewing machine (and Bedazzle my initials on it).

Happy birthday, Jemmy Pilsner!

Today Jemmy is another year older, another year sillier and another year closer to the inevitable Rheumatoid Thrustitis.  Shame...

What is Rheumatoid Thrustitis, you say?  You'll have to ask Elsie.  But it has something to do with being an aged teen idol, working on a cruise ship and spreading your loving around the ship...

Last night we had a delightful dinner and movie night at Loraine's house.  Unfortunately for Loraine she invited me, Jemmy and Elsie (aka The Tourette Triplets).

I can't tell you the things that came out of our mouths (though those of you in the inner circle can surely ascertain how base and grody it got).  We all laughed so hard our bellies hurt - and that's what really matters, right?

It's an omen!

Elsie and I went wedding dress shopping this morning. We walked into the store feeling tired, frumpy and a bit hazy (me from lack of sleep, her from cleaning up roadkill).

Moments after walking in this song came on the radio and it was like the heavens opening upon us. I squeal "OMG - it's 'She's a Bad Mamma Jamma!'" while Elsie and Dean start shaking their booties down the dress aisle.  I knew it as an omen that dress shopping would go well.  And, indeed, it did ;)

"Here's comes Crystal Gayle right down Crystal Gayle Lane..."

Elsie has done it again.  Yes, she's spotted another lovely specimen of Crystal Gayle hair.  How does she keep finding them?!  

It appears this "lady" is shopping for pinatas and/or feminine hygiene products (I'll have to ask Elsie for the full poop on this photo).  Regardless of the shopping intent I think the point is clear:  Crystal Gayle hair "ladies" are just like us.  YIKES!

Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Yes, please.

I had no idea this gem existed until last night.  For reals.  If these kids weren't all speaking with atrosh Maryland accents I'd swear this was filmed in my hometown (or in nearby Concord).

Last night Elsie, Loraine and I went to Jemmy's house for pizza and movie (a classic combo, no?).  We watched Heavy Metal Parking Lot and Marie Antoinette.  Now - when I saw "watched" what I really mean is gave non-stop running commentary.  Oh, good times...

Hello, Crystal!

I've been remiss in my Crystal Gayle hair spotting duties lately.  But thank goodness for my CGH (that's "Crystal Gayle hair", of course) sidekick Elsie.  She's always on the prowl - and armed with a camera.

I believe this "beauty" was spotted during Elsie's recent visit to New Hampshire.  I shudder to think what her shower drain must look like...  

A weekend so good I'm only now (sort of) recovering

Oh, jeez - I don't even know where to begin.  All I can say is that it was the most fun-, action-, food- and friend-filled weekend I've had in a while.

Friday night was dinner in Santa Cruz with Jose, Juan Jose and Dana.  I miss seeing Jose and Juan Jose every day - those guys just kill me.  And Dana?  Well, she's just the best hostess in the whole wide world.  Delicious cocktails and wicked good food (oysters with bacon, people, oysters with bacon!!).

Saturday was spent napping/ recovering and then off to Loraine's birthday dinner.  Had a great time and the food was very good.  Elsie and I had some kind of peanut curry tofu - yes, please.  Finished the night off with The Tami's homemade cupcakes - oh, yeah...

Spent Sunday with Paul and Matt.  Celebrated Paul's birthday with lunch at Benihana (in Concord, of course - ay dios mio!).  The food was really good (as were the mai tai and sake).  And these boys are so precious they even watched a couple of episodes of Real Chance of Love with me :)

Who has the greatest friends in the whole world?  IAH does, that's who.

Breakfast bonanza

Had a fabulous breakfast yesterday at Aunt Mary's Cafe on Telegraph.  Not only was the food delish but everyone we met (especially our fabu waitress, Amanda) was a total doll.  Only wish I hadn't been so tired and hungover - would have enjoyed it even that much more :)

Loraine had a breakfast burrrrrito.  Dean had baby food from a jar.  Elsie had a greens and potato thing with eggs and a biscuit.  I had the usual (eggs and bacon) with a biscuit.  Oh - the biscuit!  

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better I received some late-breaking news this morning.  Our favorite old-timey country band, The Sweet 'n' Lo's, will be playing at Aunt Mary's Cafe from 12 - 2 on Saturday 10/25.  Ukuleles and biscuits.  Two great tastes that taste great together :)

P 'n' P

P 'n' P.  You just can't beat it.  Some call it "Platypus and Pantalones".  Some say it's "Penis and Pencils" or even "Peanuts and Pirates".  Call it what you will - it's just a great time at Lanesplitter.

Last night's highlights:

• Jemmy's "best Korean"
• The Tami's dirrty jokes
• Loraine's country shirt debut
• Elsie freaking out about "girl in the olive shirt"

Brown sugar - how come you taste so good?

Attention brunch fans!  Run (don't walk) to Brown Sugar Kitchen.  Went there this morning with Loraine, Elsie and Dean.  And it was hella good.  Loraine had a breakfast sandwich on croissant (yes, please!).  Dean didn't eat.  Elsie had egg and veggie tart and a biscuit.  Dude - this biscuit was heaven on a plate.  I'm not exaggerating.  Me?  I had the usual (eggs, bacon and toast).  It was delish.  What a great way to kick off a Wednesday morning :)