Are you there blog? It's me, IAH.

Yeah, I've been neglectful about blogging. It's not because I don't like you. It's me, not you. Hush your filthy mouth...

So let's get back to talking about the minutia, inanity and hubris that fills my day to day life, shall we?

Yesterday was a delightful day full of tasty food and good friends. Really, it was.

Started off with early morning breakfast with Loraine and Tami at Doyle Street Cafe. Instead of my usual (some derivative of bacon 'n' eggs) I opted for a combo platter of potatoes, salsa, avocado, bacon and love. The best part? On the bill it was listed as "Heaven with bacon". Now that's what I'm talking about...

Then it was off to meet my mommy. She was in LA last weekend and brought me some snacks. Who's got the best mom? IAH, that's who.

Back to Oakland to meet up with Ilana for pedicures, gossip and good times. After Ilana and I parted ways (with red nails!) I walked to the new yogurt place on Piedmont Ave. Despite the dumb name, Tutti Frutii is some tasty sheesh. For reals.

I came home with the full intention of doing laundry but opted to nap instead. You know my motto: don't fight the feeling.

Met up with Mandy for dinner at Aunt Mary's. It was their one year anniversary (!). Lots of good food, silliness and heart laughs ensued. And I've even got the signed poster to prove I was there.

Ladies and lederhosen

The ladies and I had dinner at the Schnitzel Haus last Thursday. Lots of gossip, laughs and silliness.

I love these ladies because they're smart, fun, cool and unabashedly into reality television.

But, sadly, I think this is the last time we'll be dining at the Schnitzel Haus :(

Housewhores, mac 'n' cheese and cackles

Last night's viewing of the Real Housewhores was classic.  CLASSIC!

It started with a delish dinner of homemade mac 'n' cheese (thanks, Elsie!) and salad (thanks, Tami!).  This was all topped off by a cupcake tasting in preparation for Elsie's nuptials.  The peanut butter cupcake was far away the crowd favorite (and I'm still daydreaming about it now...).

The Housewhores were totally cackle-worthy.  And swoon-worthy (did you see Bethenny's hot Frenchie?!).  

But even better was our viewing of Daisy of Love afterward.  We all had to choose "boyfriends" (tough considering the pool of tards/ applicants).  My favorite line from the night came when Elsie said "he looks like he rode the short bus to the cemetary".

No, wait.  My favorite line was when Elsie yelled "you're all doofed up on hupcakes" (I think she meant to say "hopped up on cupcakes" but I'm not entirely sure.  I'm not fluent in Elsie-ese.

Even the cats love The Real Housewhores

Last night's gathering of friends to watch/mock The Real Housewhores of NYC was exceptional.  So good, in fact, that the cats even got into it (see photos above).

Jemmy, Loraine and The Tami came over for dinner and a good, old-fashioned Housewhore mockery.  Jemmy made the most delish salad, The Tami brought the happiness trifecta (wine, cheese and crackers) and Loraine brought homemade peanut butter rice krispie treats.  I contributed a loaf of bread (which my mom actually bought for me [true story...]).

Sadly we were missing the third member of the Tourette Triplets - Elsie Clever.  She was home sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection (which I believe is her idea of a euphemism for "the period before her period").

Thanks to The Tami's quick thinking (and quick texting skills) the night before I was able to VHS the sneak preview episode of Real Housewhores of NJ.  Oh - this is going to be a good year...

Noodles and Housewives

Ye olde Jamba crew met last night for a delightful dinner of Thai noodles and Real Housewives gossip.  I just don't think it gets any better than this - do you?

The ladies are all kinds of vocal and loud when it comes time to share their opinions on the Real Housewhores (e.g., "Gretchen and Slade aren't really dating - they just want to be on the show for any reason", "Kelly's pink boots are gross", "Ramona and her husband are either overly medicated or in severe need of medication" and various versions of "I'm up here...you're down there".  Funny how shy they get when their picture is taken, though.  Thankfully Sarah brought her new camera and coaxed some poses out of the ladies.  Unfortunately mine is a gesticulation action shot - not my finest moment...

That's mighty big, sir...

Gentle readers - I can't believe it's taken me a week to tell you about the trip to Big Sur last weekend.  Shame!

Well, come closer and I'll tell you all about it.  Closer....closer.  Yes.  That's good.  Now listen up.

On Friday morning The Tami, Loraine and I pile into the petite wagon.  The first glimpse of how fun the weekend would be was when we washed down our lunch (at some cute place in Carmel Valley) with chipotle bloody marys.  Oh, yes.  YES!

After lunch it was just a hop, skip and a jump (my mom says that all the time - drives me crazy!) to Big Sur.  We checked into our motel (I love that word - so many connotations).  Then we explored Big Sur for a minute (no, I'm not exaggerating - it's that wee).  When it was time for another adult beverage we stopped at a place called The Roadhouse (another of my favorite words).  Sadly they weren't open yet and suggested we go to the River Inn instead.

Pulling into a parking spot at the River Inn who should walk right in front of us (literally)?  Tim (a friend of mine from my younger days at Pomona College)!  I knew we'd meet up during the weekend but hadn't yet called to say we'd arrived (bad IAH).  He joined us for some beverages (sleazy wahines [pineapple infused vodka and other fruity goodness] for all my [female] friends!).

After spending some quality time bellied up to the bar at the River Inn I felt like we'd met half the town (because we had - Tim knows everybody).  Then it was off to The Roadhouse for dinner.  Hella good Mexican food.

After dinner we returned to the homestead.  The Tami and Loraine were tuckered but I soldiered on.  Hung out with Tim at the motel bar (there was a DJ - so cosmopolitan!).

The next morning we had breakfast at Nepenthe's Cafe Kevah.  Eggs, coffee and an amazing view - what more can you ask for?  Then we headed north to Carmel.  We wandered the streets a bit - doing some shopping (mainly mocking the touristy wares).  Then we met up with Tim and his pals at the Cheese Shop for a wine and cheese extravaganza.  I don't remember how much we drank (it got a bit fuzzy after the magnum of champagne) but do remember that it was a crazy fun time.  We headed back to Big Sur for dinner.  We had the most amazing and delicious dinner at Nepenthe - for reals.  I'll be forever grateful to Tim for that :)

After dinner it was back to the homestead to see the bands playing at the motel bar.  Then off to bed to sleep off the afternoon/ evening drunkfest.  

The next day we had breakfast at Ripplewood and then left Big Sur.  We left rested and a bit hungover.  Isn't that how you should feel after every vacation?

Milk

Milk.  It rules my life.  I'm serious.

I don't consume vast amounts of milk (daily in my coffee and in an occasional bowl of cereal or oatmeal).  It's not the quantity that rules my life.  It's the availability and the expiration date.  

Availability:

I freak out if I run out of milk and don't have any for my morning coffee (although I always have "emergency milk" reserves [soy milk and/or Horizon shelf-stable milk]).  And "freak out" isn't an exaggeration.  Just ask Loraine or The Tami (if you dare).

Expiration Date:

I feel like I'm always juggling milk expiration dates and trying to maximize them.  I have no idea how long after the stamped date milk is still potable (though I'm sure that info is just a quick Google search away).

For example - yesterday (2.20) I finished a milk dated 2.16.  This morning I opened one dated 2.26.  When I realized I only have five(+?) days to consume this milk it troubled me.  I'm not going to lie to you - it caused me a bit of agita.  

Ay, dios mio.  It's so hard being me.

I'd like to chat more about my milk obsession but I have to get up and make myself another cup of coffee (remember - I only have five more days to consume all this milk!).

Cookies, gossip and Real Housewives

Had the greatest afternoon at Sarah's house today.  Sarah had invited me, Tami, Ann, Lisa, Catherine (and her new, precious baby Milly) over to decorate cookies.  Hella fun!

We decorated cookies, sipped tea and (brandy-laced) egg nog, gossiped and watched episodes of Real Housewives (don't judge us!).  Could this be the afternoon of my dreams?!  Come on - frosting, Real Housewives, friends and sipping sauce?  I think this is what heaven looks like.

As you can see from the photos, some of us have more decorating flair than others.  In case you were wondering, mine is the plate with the jacked up cookies.  You know - the ones that looked like accidents (well, mainly because two of mine did meet up with accidents) and the one that looks like a green Grimace :(

Another glass of hell?

Had dinner last night with Ann, Sarah and The Tami at the Schnitzel Haus.  The food was good (albeit heavy) and the company was fabulous (highlight of the night [and there were many] was Sarah yelping "Yes, that guy's a pussy!" to The Tami's tale of a pussy boyfriend spotted at a sports bar this past weekend).  

Oh, yeah - and this song was playing in the background - enjoy:

Another highlight was the beer menu.  While we didn't recognize any of the options we felt we had to imbibe.  The first option on the menu had the word hell in it - how could I resist a tall glass of hell?  And, I'll tell you what - that glass of hell sure was good.  If hell is really that smooth and tasty - count me in.

A weekend so good I'm only now (sort of) recovering

Oh, jeez - I don't even know where to begin.  All I can say is that it was the most fun-, action-, food- and friend-filled weekend I've had in a while.

Friday night was dinner in Santa Cruz with Jose, Juan Jose and Dana.  I miss seeing Jose and Juan Jose every day - those guys just kill me.  And Dana?  Well, she's just the best hostess in the whole wide world.  Delicious cocktails and wicked good food (oysters with bacon, people, oysters with bacon!!).

Saturday was spent napping/ recovering and then off to Loraine's birthday dinner.  Had a great time and the food was very good.  Elsie and I had some kind of peanut curry tofu - yes, please.  Finished the night off with The Tami's homemade cupcakes - oh, yeah...

Spent Sunday with Paul and Matt.  Celebrated Paul's birthday with lunch at Benihana (in Concord, of course - ay dios mio!).  The food was really good (as were the mai tai and sake).  And these boys are so precious they even watched a couple of episodes of Real Chance of Love with me :)

Who has the greatest friends in the whole world?  IAH does, that's who.

P 'n' P

P 'n' P.  You just can't beat it.  Some call it "Platypus and Pantalones".  Some say it's "Penis and Pencils" or even "Peanuts and Pirates".  Call it what you will - it's just a great time at Lanesplitter.

Last night's highlights:

• Jemmy's "best Korean"
• The Tami's dirrty jokes
• Loraine's country shirt debut
• Elsie freaking out about "girl in the olive shirt"

Are You There, Nature? It's Me, IAH.

I went camping (for the first time ever!) this past weekend.  That's right.  Me.  Camping.  It really happened.  And I have witnesses (and a blister on my toe) to prove it.

Spent the weekend with The Tami and Sean (and their pup Sienna).  Ate super well.  Sean is a whiz with a camping stove.  We had shrimp and scallop risotto on Friday night.  Dude!!!

Hiked from Pan Toll to Stinson Beach on Saturday (hence the toe blister).  It was dusty but beautiful.  Redwoods galore.  Then lunch at Stinson, naps at the beach and cocktails before heading back up the hill.

Overall - the camping was fun.  The nights were too warm (don't know what the sleeping bag was lined with - live alpacas?!) but no other complaints.  Hurrah!!

Adventures on Public Transportation

I rarely take BART.  Because I hate people, the environment and the lack of oxygen on BART trains.

But - from time to time it happens.  I'll take BART.  But only on special occasions.  Tuesday night was one of those occasions.  Nothing noteworthy on the ride in (except that I sat with The Tami - always a treat!).  But the ride home was another story...

Between Montgomery and Rockridge stations I saw:

• a woman (not Katie Holmes) reading "Dianetics" (WTF?  Hail Xenu!)
• exposed breast (OK - she was breast-feeding but come on - use a drape or something!  BART isn't Hooters...)
• a guy I went to high school with (I can't escape my hometown)
• a hot guy wearing old school Air Jordans (sigh...)

All the while I'm minding my own business and listening to Bread on my iPod.