Discrimination!

I feel I'm the victim of discrimination.  

Is it because I'm a woman?  No.  Is it because I'm a half-breed?  Nah.  Or because I'm the coolest, funniest, sassiest gal in town?  Probably (but that's not what I'm talking about today).

It's because I don't have a microwave.  That's right.  This world is geared toward microwave owners.  And not for me :(

Much to my mother's chagrin there is no microwave in my kitchen.  She brings it up every time she's cooking in my kitchen (which is not a rare occurrence).  I pooh-pooh her each time and show her how my kettle and/or saucepans can do the job in a jiffy.  And without that pesky radiation...

Trader Joe's is also not an advocate for those who live microwave-free.  A good number of their (frozen or refrigerated) products come with microwave heating instructions and nothing else.  Um, hello?!  Et tu, Trader Joe's?

And now let's talk about the Busken Bakery of Ohio.  Jemmy brings me a delightful loaf of schnecken from her visit to Ohio.  She suggests warming it up before eating.  I look at the packaging and there is a sticker with heating instructions:  slice and heat in microwave for ten seconds.  That's all they say - no other heating instructions.  AY!  (Note:  I warmed the schnecken in the oven and it was delish!).

Here's my point:  WTF?!  Throw me a bone, packaging people, and give some non-microwave heating instructions.  Dang!

Upgraded brushing

Today I bought an Oral-B electronic toothbrush.  Yes, that's right.  The box promises cleaner, whiter teeth in thirty days.  Is it possible?  Did I just succumb to marketing double-speak?  Am I really such a yuck-mouth that I need an electronic upgrade?  All of these questions (and more) will soon be answered.  Stay tuned...

My other favorite Christmas song

It's simply not Christmas without Elvis

Vagina or clown car?

What's the deal with families having obscene amounts of children and them pimping them out on television?  It seems like everywhere I look there are shows about enormous families.  What's the purpose of these shows?  Visual birth control?  Well, it is for me at least.

There's the "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" show with the jerky wife and wimpy husband.  Don't get me started on how awful this woman is, please...

I just saw something about the Duggar family on television (they recently welcomed their 18th child - 18TH!!!).  As upsetting as it all is, the highlight of all things Duggar is that their multiple female children (and mother) are keeping the Crystal Gayle hair look alive.  So, yeah - as much as these people gross me out I've got to give them props for that.  Keep it real, Duggars.  Keep it Crystal Gayle.

"Here's comes Crystal Gayle right down Crystal Gayle Lane..."

Elsie has done it again.  Yes, she's spotted another lovely specimen of Crystal Gayle hair.  How does she keep finding them?!  

It appears this "lady" is shopping for pinatas and/or feminine hygiene products (I'll have to ask Elsie for the full poop on this photo).  Regardless of the shopping intent I think the point is clear:  Crystal Gayle hair "ladies" are just like us.  YIKES!

Hills and mu shu = two great tastes that taste great together

I'm blogging live while waiting for the season finale of The Hills (don't judge me).  LIVE!

Dan and I are sitting on the couch, eating mu shu pork and giving constant commentary on The Hills mini-marathon (e.g., Lo is dead behind the eyes, does Spencer have a job besides being Satan's minion and why is Lauren dressed like Mrs. Roper?).

How will this season end?!  In my dreams JustinBooby (typo - but I'm keeping it) and Spencer turn gay, start dating each other and join the fight for Prop 8.  And Lo just goes away.  And Audrina gets one more plastic surgery to correct her upward eye look.  And Heidi stops over-bleaching her horse mane.  And Lauren stops giving "Hello Kitty face" whenever she doesn't feel like talking.  Stay tuned, bitches...