Happy birthday, Vanilla Ice

He inspires me to cook MCs like a pound of bacon. Thank you, Vanilla Ice.

Excuse me - I have to shave stripes in my eyebrows now.

I'm in the mood for a hot steamer, are you?

I spotted this gem at the grocery this afternoon.  

Steamers.  That's right.  Steamers.  Who gave the thumbs up on this product name?!  And please note they come "with sauce"...

I imagine these are big sellers in Cleveland?  ;)

"What is oozing out of our ground?"

The best part isn't the poor spelling, errant apostrophes, her delusional ramblings or even the tricky camera work at the end. No - the best part is the siren in the background. Or that the credits say she lives in Northern California. Mommy - is that you?

Celine Dion is amazing!

She's my hero.

Real life is 3D enough, thanks...

After a stimulating and intensely competitive afternoon of bowling and pizza, Paul, Matt and I went to see The NIghtmare Before Christmas yesterday.  (Note for those keeping track - it was the second visit to Concord in one day - probably an IAH record [hopefully never to be repeated]).

Reactions to seeing the movie (before we go):

Matt: OMG - yay!  I love this movie!!  Hurry up - let's go.

Paul: I've only seen it once (and was stoned at the time) but we should go.

IAH: I've never seen it.  Sure - I'll go.

Upon arriving at the theater we are given 3D glasses.  Who-what?!  Can't even remember the last time I rocked a pair of 3D glasses (Jaws 3D, maybe?).  

So, the previews were in 3D - pretty cool.  However, the 3D effects of The Nightmare Before Christmas were pretty lame.  That's right, lame.

Mid-movie reactions:

Matt: The 3D is dumb and distracting - can we go?

Paul: These glasses hurt my ears but I like the movie - don't remember seeing it before.

IAH: I hope the girl (Jessica?) puts out at the end.

We ignored Matt and stayed through the whole movie.  I'm glad we did.  The moral of the story:  don't believe the hype - real life is 3D enough.

It's all fun and games until...

... your pizza lands on the cat's flank.

Picture this.  It's Friday night.  Jemmy and I are having a big time.  We're sitting on my couch, watching Election, drinking wine and eating pizza from Zachary's.  Marvin is on the armrest to Jemmy's left.  Shamus is prostrate on Jemmy's lap.

Seems like things couldn't get any better, yes?  But wait, there's more...

Jemmy's eating a slice of pizza with a fork (it's Zachary's after all).  She cuts off a small piece and the remaining portion of pizza flies off the plate and lands directly on Shamus' flank (see the photo above [re-created, of course]).  Ba ha ha ha!!

Jemmy gingerly lifts the slice from Shamus' flank.  There's a sprinkling of chili pepper flakes on a small, greasy, matted tuft of fur.  But otherwise he's unharmed.  In fact - he doesn't even react.  That kid's got so much fluff on his flank - it'd take a lot more than a projectile slice of pizza for him to notice.

Jemmy + pizza + fluff = hijinks.

Barry White - the $ years

I don't know how to sugarcoat this so I'll just say it - my financial advisor sounds a lot like Barry White.  A lot!

Now, I've never heard him croon "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe" but I'm sure he'd totally rock it (note to self:  invite him to next karaoke outing).

Sometimes this similarity creeps me out and sometimes I get a kick out of it.  Today was one of those "kick out of it" days.

The best part is that he looks like the anti-Barry White.  He's your average mid-sized, middle-aged, white man.  100% cracker.  I suspect he's quite conservative.  Two kids, wife and a house in a tony East Bay suburb.  However - he is a kick in the pants.  When we speak (on the phone or in person) it's always a hootenanny.  Or, well, as much of a hootenanny as it can be when you're talking to a finance guy...

So in my imagination it's actually Barry White who's handling my sheesh - and I get a huge kick out of that ;)

"I love the sexy slither of a female snake"!

For the first time in a long time...

...I don't know what to say.

Crock pot tales

I've got a tuna casserole in the crock pot.  Am thinking about making a pot of tea.  The couch is beckoning me.  Should I have a cup of coffee or take a nap?

I wish I were classy enough to shop here...

Ah...another day, another spelling atrocity.

Today Loraine and I went to the Great Mall in Milpitas (don't judge us!).  While walking through this atrocity of a mall we stumble upon a store called Classey Lady.  Imagine!

We didn't go in.  You know why - do I really need to spell it out?  It's because we all know that at times I can be klassy, am never classy and have little hope of ever achieving classey.  But - it gives me something to strive for.

Can I count on my friends to help me achieve classey?  I hope so.

I hereby launch my campaign:  Classey IAH 2009.  Watch out - I'll be so classey it'll blow your mind...

"Is that Dave Coulier?"

That Dave Coulier line is the best part. And the stuff about the mullet. Aw, sheesh - it all made me giggle.

My next boyfriend

Who can resist "The Final Countdown"?!

For Sweet Loraine

Mantyhose?

Every man I know (and have ever known) will be getting Mantyhose for Christmas.  Oh, I shouldn't have spoiled the surprise.  Damn it, Janet!

Hay-seuss juice

This morning I'm getting my iChat on with Dan (he's on vacation in Europe [currently in Prague]). 

He's telling me that he's about to go dinner and I say "Have a glass of Jesus Juice with your meal".  He's all "What?".  I'm all "You know - it's what Michael Jackson uses to ply young boys into submission".  He's all "Of course - how could I forget?".

So as of now I'm totally obsessed with Jesus Juice.  After I finish this cuppa coffee I think I'll chase it with a nice glass of Jesus Juice.  Sweet sweet Jesus Juice... 

Breakfast bonanza

Had a fabulous breakfast yesterday at Aunt Mary's Cafe on Telegraph.  Not only was the food delish but everyone we met (especially our fabu waitress, Amanda) was a total doll.  Only wish I hadn't been so tired and hungover - would have enjoyed it even that much more :)

Loraine had a breakfast burrrrrito.  Dean had baby food from a jar.  Elsie had a greens and potato thing with eggs and a biscuit.  I had the usual (eggs and bacon) with a biscuit.  Oh - the biscuit!  

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better I received some late-breaking news this morning.  Our favorite old-timey country band, The Sweet 'n' Lo's, will be playing at Aunt Mary's Cafe from 12 - 2 on Saturday 10/25.  Ukuleles and biscuits.  Two great tastes that taste great together :)

My Big Redneck Wedding

Have I told you how much I love "My Big Redneck Wedding"? The greatest love stories of our generation...

All kinds of wrong...

These are a few of my least favorite things

1. children with "rat tail" hair
2. people who shuffle their feet when they walk
3. Mariah Carey
4. pokey drivers
5. people who snort and swallow their snot instead of blowing their nose

Kitty porn

I've been writing adoption bios (aka kitty porn) for Maine Coon Adoptions for a few months now.

I found this organization at a cat adoption event down the street from my apartment.  I'm definitely not in the market to adopt any pets (have my hands full with Marvin and Shamus) but I couldn't resist checking them out.

I love that they work with Maine Coons (although they do have other kitties as well).  Marvin and Shamus are Maine Coons.  I'd never heard of this breed until I adopted them but now I'm hooked.

Anyhoo - back to kitty porn.  I have to admit - I love seeing the photos of the kitties up for adoption.  But every once in a while there's one that's so cute it just about kills me.  Kills me.  One of those deadly photos came across my email this morning.  A big, beefy kitty named Asian.  His curled paws in the photos put me over the edge.  Admit it - you can't resist, either - can you?

Jive turkeys?

Phew - it's been a busy (but great) day!  Started innocently enough with a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of coffee.  Then it was off for a bike ride (I LOVE my new bike!).  Midway through my ride I spot a flock of wild turkeys - what?!  The photos are a bit blurry (I was tired, sweaty and the sun was shining too brightly - really...).

Then it was off to meet my mom at Peet's for some iced tea and yip yap.  And, being the super mom that she is, she had some treats for me.  My mom and stepdad were in LA over the weekend and my mom brought me some favorites from Porto's:  plantain chips, tres leches cake and a wee napoleon.  Who has the best mom?  IAH does, that's who.

Then I raced home to meet Michelle.  We headed up Piedmont Avenue to Mountain View Cemetery.  We found where her great grandparents are buried.  Then walked around the cemetery (it's really more like a hilly park, I swear).  We came back down Piedmont Avenue for lunch and then wandered around the neighborhood.

I'm tuckered out.  I think I'll sit on the couch with my cats and watch television now.  Bye.

I love them

Those who know me know that I love Simon and Garfunkel. LOVE!

I took guitar lessons for years when I was in early/ mid elementary school. In high rotation in these classes were Simon and Garfunkel songs (as well as John Denver - but I'll save that for another day).

This, my friends, is my all-time favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs. Enjoy...

Jolene!

Of the small arsenal of songs I can now painstakingly play on my guitar this is my favorite.

Sure - I don't play that well (yet) and don't sing like Dolly Parton but I do my best.