Are you there blog? It's me, IAH.

Yeah, I've been neglectful about blogging. It's not because I don't like you. It's me, not you. Hush your filthy mouth...

So let's get back to talking about the minutia, inanity and hubris that fills my day to day life, shall we?

Yesterday was a delightful day full of tasty food and good friends. Really, it was.

Started off with early morning breakfast with Loraine and Tami at Doyle Street Cafe. Instead of my usual (some derivative of bacon 'n' eggs) I opted for a combo platter of potatoes, salsa, avocado, bacon and love. The best part? On the bill it was listed as "Heaven with bacon". Now that's what I'm talking about...

Then it was off to meet my mommy. She was in LA last weekend and brought me some snacks. Who's got the best mom? IAH, that's who.

Back to Oakland to meet up with Ilana for pedicures, gossip and good times. After Ilana and I parted ways (with red nails!) I walked to the new yogurt place on Piedmont Ave. Despite the dumb name, Tutti Frutii is some tasty sheesh. For reals.

I came home with the full intention of doing laundry but opted to nap instead. You know my motto: don't fight the feeling.

Met up with Mandy for dinner at Aunt Mary's. It was their one year anniversary (!). Lots of good food, silliness and heart laughs ensued. And I've even got the signed poster to prove I was there.

Quote of the week (6.19)

This week's winner: Elsie (again?!) with "her hair smells like a hand job?!".

We (Elsie, Loraine and I) were at Godspeed on Wednesday night to see Manfu go-go dance and drink $1.50 cans of Olympia (heaven!).

Two guys sitting next to us at the bar start chatting with us. One says he likes the way my hair smells (aw...). He smells Loraine's hair and says "Smells like a head shop". Loraine misunderstands him and says "My hair smells like a head chop?!". Elsie further misunderstands and says "Did you say her hair smells like a hand job?!".

Housewhores, mac 'n' cheese and cackles

Last night's viewing of the Real Housewhores was classic.  CLASSIC!

It started with a delish dinner of homemade mac 'n' cheese (thanks, Elsie!) and salad (thanks, Tami!).  This was all topped off by a cupcake tasting in preparation for Elsie's nuptials.  The peanut butter cupcake was far away the crowd favorite (and I'm still daydreaming about it now...).

The Housewhores were totally cackle-worthy.  And swoon-worthy (did you see Bethenny's hot Frenchie?!).  

But even better was our viewing of Daisy of Love afterward.  We all had to choose "boyfriends" (tough considering the pool of tards/ applicants).  My favorite line from the night came when Elsie said "he looks like he rode the short bus to the cemetary".

No, wait.  My favorite line was when Elsie yelled "you're all doofed up on hupcakes" (I think she meant to say "hopped up on cupcakes" but I'm not entirely sure.  I'm not fluent in Elsie-ese.

Even the cats love The Real Housewhores

Last night's gathering of friends to watch/mock The Real Housewhores of NYC was exceptional.  So good, in fact, that the cats even got into it (see photos above).

Jemmy, Loraine and The Tami came over for dinner and a good, old-fashioned Housewhore mockery.  Jemmy made the most delish salad, The Tami brought the happiness trifecta (wine, cheese and crackers) and Loraine brought homemade peanut butter rice krispie treats.  I contributed a loaf of bread (which my mom actually bought for me [true story...]).

Sadly we were missing the third member of the Tourette Triplets - Elsie Clever.  She was home sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection (which I believe is her idea of a euphemism for "the period before her period").

Thanks to The Tami's quick thinking (and quick texting skills) the night before I was able to VHS the sneak preview episode of Real Housewhores of NJ.  Oh - this is going to be a good year...

That's mighty big, sir...

Gentle readers - I can't believe it's taken me a week to tell you about the trip to Big Sur last weekend.  Shame!

Well, come closer and I'll tell you all about it.  Closer....closer.  Yes.  That's good.  Now listen up.

On Friday morning The Tami, Loraine and I pile into the petite wagon.  The first glimpse of how fun the weekend would be was when we washed down our lunch (at some cute place in Carmel Valley) with chipotle bloody marys.  Oh, yes.  YES!

After lunch it was just a hop, skip and a jump (my mom says that all the time - drives me crazy!) to Big Sur.  We checked into our motel (I love that word - so many connotations).  Then we explored Big Sur for a minute (no, I'm not exaggerating - it's that wee).  When it was time for another adult beverage we stopped at a place called The Roadhouse (another of my favorite words).  Sadly they weren't open yet and suggested we go to the River Inn instead.

Pulling into a parking spot at the River Inn who should walk right in front of us (literally)?  Tim (a friend of mine from my younger days at Pomona College)!  I knew we'd meet up during the weekend but hadn't yet called to say we'd arrived (bad IAH).  He joined us for some beverages (sleazy wahines [pineapple infused vodka and other fruity goodness] for all my [female] friends!).

After spending some quality time bellied up to the bar at the River Inn I felt like we'd met half the town (because we had - Tim knows everybody).  Then it was off to The Roadhouse for dinner.  Hella good Mexican food.

After dinner we returned to the homestead.  The Tami and Loraine were tuckered but I soldiered on.  Hung out with Tim at the motel bar (there was a DJ - so cosmopolitan!).

The next morning we had breakfast at Nepenthe's Cafe Kevah.  Eggs, coffee and an amazing view - what more can you ask for?  Then we headed north to Carmel.  We wandered the streets a bit - doing some shopping (mainly mocking the touristy wares).  Then we met up with Tim and his pals at the Cheese Shop for a wine and cheese extravaganza.  I don't remember how much we drank (it got a bit fuzzy after the magnum of champagne) but do remember that it was a crazy fun time.  We headed back to Big Sur for dinner.  We had the most amazing and delicious dinner at Nepenthe - for reals.  I'll be forever grateful to Tim for that :)

After dinner it was back to the homestead to see the bands playing at the motel bar.  Then off to bed to sleep off the afternoon/ evening drunkfest.  

The next day we had breakfast at Ripplewood and then left Big Sur.  We left rested and a bit hungover.  Isn't that how you should feel after every vacation?

Milk

Milk.  It rules my life.  I'm serious.

I don't consume vast amounts of milk (daily in my coffee and in an occasional bowl of cereal or oatmeal).  It's not the quantity that rules my life.  It's the availability and the expiration date.  

Availability:

I freak out if I run out of milk and don't have any for my morning coffee (although I always have "emergency milk" reserves [soy milk and/or Horizon shelf-stable milk]).  And "freak out" isn't an exaggeration.  Just ask Loraine or The Tami (if you dare).

Expiration Date:

I feel like I'm always juggling milk expiration dates and trying to maximize them.  I have no idea how long after the stamped date milk is still potable (though I'm sure that info is just a quick Google search away).

For example - yesterday (2.20) I finished a milk dated 2.16.  This morning I opened one dated 2.26.  When I realized I only have five(+?) days to consume this milk it troubled me.  I'm not going to lie to you - it caused me a bit of agita.  

Ay, dios mio.  It's so hard being me.

I'd like to chat more about my milk obsession but I have to get up and make myself another cup of coffee (remember - I only have five more days to consume all this milk!).

Happy birthday, Jemmy Pilsner!

Today Jemmy is another year older, another year sillier and another year closer to the inevitable Rheumatoid Thrustitis.  Shame...

What is Rheumatoid Thrustitis, you say?  You'll have to ask Elsie.  But it has something to do with being an aged teen idol, working on a cruise ship and spreading your loving around the ship...

Last night we had a delightful dinner and movie night at Loraine's house.  Unfortunately for Loraine she invited me, Jemmy and Elsie (aka The Tourette Triplets).

I can't tell you the things that came out of our mouths (though those of you in the inner circle can surely ascertain how base and grody it got).  We all laughed so hard our bellies hurt - and that's what really matters, right?

Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Yes, please.

I had no idea this gem existed until last night.  For reals.  If these kids weren't all speaking with atrosh Maryland accents I'd swear this was filmed in my hometown (or in nearby Concord).

Last night Elsie, Loraine and I went to Jemmy's house for pizza and movie (a classic combo, no?).  We watched Heavy Metal Parking Lot and Marie Antoinette.  Now - when I saw "watched" what I really mean is gave non-stop running commentary.  Oh, good times...

Crystal Gayle likes breakfast, too

The gods were surely smiling upon me today.  I woke up feeling like I'd pretty much kicked this bad cold (that wily son of a biscuit!) and met Loraine for breakfast at Rockridge Cafe (my first human contact since Monday).  

As we settled into our table the bounty of the gods really fell upon us.  A perfect specimen of Crystal Gayle hair sat down right behind me.  What are the chances?!

Boy am I glad I left my couch today!

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

Tonight Jemmy and Loraine came over for M, P, P & P (that's movie, pizza, pie and pals).

While watching "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" we ate, snuggled with Marvin and Shamus, and made almost non-stop commentary on the movie.  Ah, good times.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to say "you" correctly ever again.  And starting tomorrow I'll be wearing a heart-shaped drawn on mole on my cheek (just like Baby Jane).  Just because I'm fancy like that. 

The $6 ice cream cone?!

This morning I'm in the car on the way home from the city (dropping off my grandmother).  Loraine calls to say she and Jean are heading to my neighborhood for lunch and a movie.  I say "Oh, yes!" and head on over to meet them at Fentons.  I'm all excited because I rarely go there (even though it's about 2 blocks from my house).

Loraine and Jean have lunch.  I opt for an ice cream cone instead.  One scoop, one flavor on a sugar cone.  That's it.  Nothing fancy.  So imagine my surprise when the bill arrives and the ice cream costs $5.25 (for the ice cream) and $0.50 (for the cone).  Um, what?  Since when do cones cost extra?  And since when does one scoop of ice cream on a cone cost $6?!  (And, yes - I know it adds up to $5.75 but I'm rounding up, people).

Note to self - I'm crossing Fentons off the list.  Those sons of biscuits really sock it to you (and not in a good way).

Wine + pals = good times

Had wine, snacks and yip yap at Marc 49 last night with Jemmy and Loraine.  This place is a total hit.  Oh, yeah, and so are my friends.  

Marc 49 has even got a wee patio zone.  Come on - booze, snacks and heat lamps?  What's not to love?!

A weekend so good I'm only now (sort of) recovering

Oh, jeez - I don't even know where to begin.  All I can say is that it was the most fun-, action-, food- and friend-filled weekend I've had in a while.

Friday night was dinner in Santa Cruz with Jose, Juan Jose and Dana.  I miss seeing Jose and Juan Jose every day - those guys just kill me.  And Dana?  Well, she's just the best hostess in the whole wide world.  Delicious cocktails and wicked good food (oysters with bacon, people, oysters with bacon!!).

Saturday was spent napping/ recovering and then off to Loraine's birthday dinner.  Had a great time and the food was very good.  Elsie and I had some kind of peanut curry tofu - yes, please.  Finished the night off with The Tami's homemade cupcakes - oh, yeah...

Spent Sunday with Paul and Matt.  Celebrated Paul's birthday with lunch at Benihana (in Concord, of course - ay dios mio!).  The food was really good (as were the mai tai and sake).  And these boys are so precious they even watched a couple of episodes of Real Chance of Love with me :)

Who has the greatest friends in the whole world?  IAH does, that's who.

I wish I were classy enough to shop here...

Ah...another day, another spelling atrocity.

Today Loraine and I went to the Great Mall in Milpitas (don't judge us!).  While walking through this atrocity of a mall we stumble upon a store called Classey Lady.  Imagine!

We didn't go in.  You know why - do I really need to spell it out?  It's because we all know that at times I can be klassy, am never classy and have little hope of ever achieving classey.  But - it gives me something to strive for.

Can I count on my friends to help me achieve classey?  I hope so.

I hereby launch my campaign:  Classey IAH 2009.  Watch out - I'll be so classey it'll blow your mind...

For Sweet Loraine

Breakfast bonanza

Had a fabulous breakfast yesterday at Aunt Mary's Cafe on Telegraph.  Not only was the food delish but everyone we met (especially our fabu waitress, Amanda) was a total doll.  Only wish I hadn't been so tired and hungover - would have enjoyed it even that much more :)

Loraine had a breakfast burrrrrito.  Dean had baby food from a jar.  Elsie had a greens and potato thing with eggs and a biscuit.  I had the usual (eggs and bacon) with a biscuit.  Oh - the biscuit!  

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better I received some late-breaking news this morning.  Our favorite old-timey country band, The Sweet 'n' Lo's, will be playing at Aunt Mary's Cafe from 12 - 2 on Saturday 10/25.  Ukuleles and biscuits.  Two great tastes that taste great together :)

P 'n' P

P 'n' P.  You just can't beat it.  Some call it "Platypus and Pantalones".  Some say it's "Penis and Pencils" or even "Peanuts and Pirates".  Call it what you will - it's just a great time at Lanesplitter.

Last night's highlights:

• Jemmy's "best Korean"
• The Tami's dirrty jokes
• Loraine's country shirt debut
• Elsie freaking out about "girl in the olive shirt"

Brown sugar - how come you taste so good?

Attention brunch fans!  Run (don't walk) to Brown Sugar Kitchen.  Went there this morning with Loraine, Elsie and Dean.  And it was hella good.  Loraine had a breakfast sandwich on croissant (yes, please!).  Dean didn't eat.  Elsie had egg and veggie tart and a biscuit.  Dude - this biscuit was heaven on a plate.  I'm not exaggerating.  Me?  I had the usual (eggs, bacon and toast).  It was delish.  What a great way to kick off a Wednesday morning :)

Hey good lookin'!

Picture this:
Friday night @ The Knockout. Hank Williams tribute night. That's right - Hank Williams (not Bocephus). Loraine and me with skirts, boots and red lipstick.  We start off by singing "Jambalaya".  Later we do a fierce rendition of "Hey Good Lookin'".  The crowd went wild.  Well, maybe not "wild" but, you know...

TCB

Yesterday is the day that Loraine and I christened "Everybody Precious" (because they were).  It started with the guy at In 'n' Out Burger.  Then all of the guys at Hank and Frank (yes, all of them - and we were there for ninety minutes...).  

But the absolute most precious of all?  The guy at Juniper Tree on Lakeshore (which I had to visit on the recommendation of the woman that works at my neighborhood Peet's).  I was at the register purchasing a head band/ scarf number (very cute, BTW).  The guy at the register is totally darling (the most fierce mutton chop sideburns I've seen in a very long time - meow!).  I open my wallet to hand him my credit card and he asks for ID.  I pull out my license and he says "Great picture" after seeing the photo of Elvis I keep in my wallet (where an ID would go - but why?).  He's all "I'm a huge Elvis fan".  I'm all "Wow - me, too!".  He's all "I've been to Graceland five times".  I'm all "I've only been twice :(".  He laments the changes in the neighborhood surrounding Graceland (it's all about junky tchotchkes).  I'm all "I've got a picture of Elvis in my bathroom that I bought at this dumpy store on Beale Street years ago".  He's all "Must have been Schwab".  I'm all "Yes!".  Then it's time to leave the store and as Loraine and I walk out he says "Bye.  TCB!" while giving us "gun finger".  I swooned...