My new favorite song

Ouch!

This commercial hurts my ears (and soul).

Annie's Song

This song always makes me cry. Always.

WWOZ

Listening to WWOZ gets me through the day. Oh - and there's an iPod app, too :)

The Spirit of Truth

Whoa...

Sigh...

Congestion and Armageddon

Some of you lucky friends have been privy to the month-long "IAH Congestion Chronicles" (sorry...).

So today after seven failed attempts to visit a doctor I finally did.

But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, friends. This is a story about the bellyaching in the waiting room. AY!

The waiting room wasn't terribly crowded - I'd say there were about seven people there. It's a doctor's waiting room. Nobody's happy to be there. But did it really have to disintegrate into this?!

The bellyaching started in my least favorite way: the "I'm talking to myself in a volume I hope you hear and respond to" method. Gawd - I hate that! Speak directly to me or don't. I don't do this semi-conversation sheesh. But I digress...

Initial bellyaching is about how the rumor is that the doctor isn't even in the office (gasp!) and making people wait. This morphed into how the clinic used to be better and more attentive when they had the "heavy-set lady doctor and other guy" working there. Next it's talk about how maybe the doctor is late because he got trapped in Bay Bridge rerouting traffic. Then to talk about how none of these people will ever set foot on the Bay Bridge again as it's bound to collapse again soon - and worse. And that's because the end of the world is coming. One person in the waiting room said (and I quote) "it's all in the bible - the end is near". Another pipes in with "Remember 9.11?". While another dials it up a notch with "I'm worried about 2012!".

I'm serious - from "I hear the doctor isn't even here!" to fears about 12.21.12. Really? REALLY?!

Thankfully I had my iPhone to occupy myself before I had to school these fools on the cyclical nature of the Mayan calendar. I hate it when I have to get all hyphy "I was an anthropology major" on people's asses. It's just so unladylike.

Tramp!

I was watching My Antonio last night (don't judge me...) and couldn't help but notice Antonio's Bat Man tramp stamp. WTF?

Happy Ending

Ah, yes - another fun-filled weekend is behind me. Sigh...

Started off with a great Friday afternoon: met my friend Justin for lunch at Chabaa followed by a walk through Golden Gate Park, along Ocean Beach and then back again. Afterward I met up with Matt for drinks at my two favorite North Beach spots: Specs and Vesuvio.

Saturday was spent at The Tami's for the Liberty Hill Honey harvest and BBQ. Then to Denise's for snacks (including piglets in blankets - yum!) and The Pirate Movie. Such good times!!

Now it's Monday morning. Ugh...

Are you there blog? It's me, IAH.

Yeah, I've been neglectful about blogging. It's not because I don't like you. It's me, not you. Hush your filthy mouth...

So let's get back to talking about the minutia, inanity and hubris that fills my day to day life, shall we?

Yesterday was a delightful day full of tasty food and good friends. Really, it was.

Started off with early morning breakfast with Loraine and Tami at Doyle Street Cafe. Instead of my usual (some derivative of bacon 'n' eggs) I opted for a combo platter of potatoes, salsa, avocado, bacon and love. The best part? On the bill it was listed as "Heaven with bacon". Now that's what I'm talking about...

Then it was off to meet my mommy. She was in LA last weekend and brought me some snacks. Who's got the best mom? IAH, that's who.

Back to Oakland to meet up with Ilana for pedicures, gossip and good times. After Ilana and I parted ways (with red nails!) I walked to the new yogurt place on Piedmont Ave. Despite the dumb name, Tutti Frutii is some tasty sheesh. For reals.

I came home with the full intention of doing laundry but opted to nap instead. You know my motto: don't fight the feeling.

Met up with Mandy for dinner at Aunt Mary's. It was their one year anniversary (!). Lots of good food, silliness and heart laughs ensued. And I've even got the signed poster to prove I was there.

Marvin Loves Shamus

My first video ever ;)

The Monkees

Summertime reminds me of Monkees marathons on channel 12.

from my precious Heidi

"Another Colt 45, Billy Dee?" is one of the best lines ever uttered. You know this.

Sigh...

I heart The Smiths

But you already knew that, right?

Had lunch with my friend Shawn today (Olympias @ Rudy's - what what?!).

We were talking about a girl he briefly dated. I was trying to recall the reason why things went awry. Thought it had something to do with an ill ex-boyfriend. And then I broke into song "Boyfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's serious". Thankfully he's a Smiths fan and appreciated the reference :)

Love :)

MCA should be my baby-daddy.

#2

Who does #2 work for?!

Monday morning eye candy

Yes, let's do it for Johnny.

Did you know that I heart Matt Dillon?

I'm so mature

This still cracks me up. For reals.

Wedgie Tales

Take it from me - wedgies come easily when you accidentally wear your underwear backwards...

Yes!

Jimi Hendrix + blues + cup of coffee = best morning ever

My favorite!

This is my favorite song from my favorite movie. Sigh...

Quote of the week (7.10)

Denise: "Every time Matt comes over one of the dogs jumps in the pool".

Monday night karaoke

This is what I sang last night at karaoke at Annie's Social Club.

I was shocked that some of the people in the room actually knew the song. Shocked and immensely pleased :)

With the backdrop of karaoke, last night was all kinds of fun and good times. Starla, Manfu, Maria and I tore it up. And laughed hella hard (at the dumbest stuff). Ah...good times.

Apocalypse Now - smell of napalm

Quote of the week (7.3)

Dan: "I can't talk right now - I'm on a horse"

This morning I called Dan. He answers the phone and says "My phone hasn't worked all weekend. This is the first time it's rung and I can't talk right now - I'm on a horse".

Britney and me

I had a dream about Britney Spears last night. We were a team that solved mysteries (like Nancy Drew). Um, yeah...I have problems.

Quote of the weekend

This past weekend was Elsie's bachelorette party in Big Sur (woot woooot!).

Six of us spent the weekend at a cute, wee cabin. As you can imagine - there were lots of laughs and good times.

However - my favorite quote of the weekend comes from this scenario:

Cat turns the oven on to make dinner. This crazy, pyewy gas smell comes flowing out of the oven. Cat goes to the front desk/ shanty to ask someone to take a look at the oven. This young guy clad in tie dye comes to the door later. He walks in and hesitantly says "I hear you ladies have a gas problem?". And we all crack up (because we're mature).

Quote of the week (6.26)

I don't remember how this conversation got started by I know how it ended. With Adi saying "You'd better sleep with one eye open or else you'll wake up to an anal bleaching!".

Couch straddling

My cats are big. I know this. But sometimes I forget just how big they are. Until I see one of them straddling the arm of the couch.

Fight party and mai tais

Saturday was about working out plans to go to the EBR Fight Party with Manfu and friends. Lots of back and forth, rumors of the party being cancelled (or not). Finally it just didn't work out :(

Last night I met Traci and her new beau Johnny for dinner at Lo Coco followed up with drinks at Kona Club. Had a great time and really enjoyed meeting Johnny - he's a keeper.

Quote of the week (6.19)

This week's winner: Elsie (again?!) with "her hair smells like a hand job?!".

We (Elsie, Loraine and I) were at Godspeed on Wednesday night to see Manfu go-go dance and drink $1.50 cans of Olympia (heaven!).

Two guys sitting next to us at the bar start chatting with us. One says he likes the way my hair smells (aw...). He smells Loraine's hair and says "Smells like a head shop". Loraine misunderstands him and says "My hair smells like a head chop?!". Elsie further misunderstands and says "Did you say her hair smells like a hand job?!".

Carry? OK!

Monday night was spent at Encore karaoke lounge. That's right. Monday night karaoke. Because that's how I roll (well, not really, but you know...).

I was on the couch around 9 PM on Monday night. Painting my toenails and watching Intervention (no lie) when I get a call from Starla and Manfu saying they're going to the city for karaoke. How could I resist?

The girls are clearly pros (no, not like that). Their karaoke skills were strong. For reals. Me? I'm sure it's no surprise to hear I tried to bust out a couple of old country hits. Jolene was a total bust (the background music was all disco-y) but Delta Dawn was better.

Good times. Karaoke times...

Quote of the week (6.12)

This week's winner is: Elsie.

Yesterday we were in the car when we started thinking about how long we've known each other (seven or eight years?). I said I'd look up my GCC start date so we could find out exactly when we met and celebrate our anniversary going forward.

Elsie says "I celebrate you every day". Har!! And it's only funny because it's true ;)

Greyhounds -> grey morning

Cafe van Kleef is my new favorite place. Seriously. I'm forever grateful to Heidi for telling me about this place.

After a handful of thwarted attempts to visit it finally happened on Tuesday night. Ilana, Matt and I sipped on the most delicious greyhounds on the face of the earth. I'm talking about half a fresh grapefruit squeezed into your drink. With an enormous grapefruit wedge as garnish. No risk of scurvy here, folks...

Quote of the week

I'm hereby launching a new segment on the blog and calling it "Quote of the Week". I realize it's likely not as funny in the retelling but I still think it's funny. And, yeah, well, that's what matters.

You ho friends of mine are going to have to step up your game. Everything that you say in my presence is now in a competish for "Quote of the Week". Enjoy!

This entry is actually going to be from last week. And I don't have just one quote but two.

1. "Remedial shimmy"
Ilana was telling me about some dance performance in college where they were all required to shimmy. Her shimmy skills weren't up to par so her "friends" forced her to take an intensive "remedial shimmy" class.

2. email from Heidi
I had a really funny experience today with his lady on tech support...
here is how the conversation went:

Heidi: "I have this really NAUGHTY computer that likes to go down on me..."

and then I heard what I was saying and almost had to hang up the phone.

My ayPhone

I've had the ayPhone for a little over a week now and I am so in love with it. Yeah - I know it's just an electronic gadget but I hella love it.

I can't believe it took me so long to get one (which is exactly what I said after getting my first iPod so many years ago).

Matt teases me about the phone because he's jealous (and admits it) - and that makes the phone even better :)

Ladies and lederhosen

The ladies and I had dinner at the Schnitzel Haus last Thursday. Lots of gossip, laughs and silliness.

I love these ladies because they're smart, fun, cool and unabashedly into reality television.

But, sadly, I think this is the last time we'll be dining at the Schnitzel Haus :(

The Crystal Gayles are closing in on me

OK. OK. I know this isn't a very clear photo but trust me - she's totally rocking the Crystal Gayle. No, I'm not talking about Elsie (I just had to pretend to be taking a picture of her to not startle the Crystal Gayle).

I know I've said before that the Crystal Gayles are closing in on me but this time it's gone too far. Hella serious. DEFCON 5, people. This specimen was spotted at Cafe Biere which is dangerously close to my home. I'm freaking out.

BTW - we love Cafe Biere on Wednesday nights (and you should, too).

My idol

I wanted to be Pat Benatar when I was a kid. And Olivia Newton-John (but that's another story for another day).

Remember in Fast Times at Ridgemont High when Stacey says all the girls in school look like Pat Benatar? Yeah. Good times.

Ew. Just ew.

Have I ever told you how much I dislike this show? And especially Kate? I can't stand the way she talks to her husband. She's a nag, a bitch and a bad person. At least I think so...

But I do like watching their clips on The Soup. Joel McHale makes everything better (meow meow!).

Cherry wine?

Yanni and friends

Have I told you about my neighbors? I don't think I have. Gather around and bring some snacks (wine coolers and nutter butters will do just fine, thanks).

I love where I live. Really, I do. My neighborhood kicks rump. My apartment is cute (albeit wee and a bit dark) - but it's large enough to host the Housewhores gatherings (and that's all that matters, right?). I have no complaints about where I live. Except for...the neighbors...

I would like to introduce you to the cast of characters:

1. "Young Fox" lives diagonally across the courtyard and is in his early to mid-20s.

• when we spoke in passing last week he said "Oh, you're the one who always has groups of women over, right?"
  
• when I came home around 11 PM on Tuesday night I saw him walk out of his apartment in his boxer shorts (sans shirt) and head to the laundry room
• IAH says: he's a douchebag

2. "Old Lady" lives across the courtyard and is in her late 70s or early 80s.

• chats me up every chance she gets
• always notices when I've changed my hair (even when I really haven't)
• knows everything that's going on in the complex
  
• IAH says: she's a very sweet lady, I like her (but she's clearly lonely)
  

3. "Yanni" lives above me and is in his 30s or early 40s.

• The Gooch of the complex
• has had yelled at both Old Lady and Young Fox
• is the loudest yawner EVER (hence his nickname)
  
• not only yawns loudly but in quick succession - and it kills me
• IAH says: he's a boozehound douchebag (a lethal combo)
  

Mas sangria, por favor

The never-ending (and always tasty) quest to find the best sangria in town.  It's hard (fruity, boozy) work but somebody has to do it.  And that somebody is IAH.

Last night Michael and I had dinner at Esperpento.  The tapas were delish (except for the potato and onion number - that was less than premium).  I extra loved the spicy potatoes and the asparagus.  Michael wanted to marry the plate of ham sandwiches (or at least spoon with them).

But let's get down to what really matters:  sangria.  Consensus was that the sangria at Limon is still tops.  And this sangria had cubed oranges (with peel).  I accidentally chewed a piece and it wasn't pleasant :(

Delirium Tremens

Had beers last night at Cafe Bierre with Jemmy and Elsie.  Super fun!  

I thought the night couldn't get any better after Michael Jackson's "PYT" came on the radio (and you know how I like my Michael Jackson...).  But when Jemmy confessed she once cried because she came to the realization that she'd never be able to marry Michael Jackson, I almost lost it.

He doesn't know it...

...but he's my next boyfriend.

Big fun in Big Sur (again!)

Had such a great weekend - whew!  Where do I start?

Ah, I know.  Let's start with Friday morning.  Paul and I took Matt out to brunch (it was his 36th birthday, after all).  Eggs, bacon and bloody marys were a great kick-off to the weekend (though I did hit the road a bit later than I had planned...).

Drove down to meet up with Tim at his house (aka the Ewok Village).  He lives in a wee cabin in the most beautiful forest of redwood trees.  Kind of like driving through Canyon (for those of you who grew up where I did) but without the creepy serial killer vibe.  Then we were off to meet friends at Ody's:  the "dive bar of Carmel".  I don't think I'd call it a dive bar but it's probably as low as Carmel goes.  Then to Mundaka for yummy tapas and wine.  Then to Brophy's for shots of Maker's Mark (what what?).  Then back to Mundaka and then Ody's again.  Until we got kicked out when they closed and went to a friend's house in Monterey.  Very late night...

The next morning got off to a slow start.  Breakfast at Belle before hitting the road to go wine tasting in Salinas.  The highlight of this wine tasting was a precious older man dressed up in his country wear best while wearing a belt buckle that said "dick".  I'm quite serious.  I suspect his name is Dick and it was just a personalized belt buckle but it made me laugh nonetheless.  I tried some Googlation to find something similar to show you and this is the best I can do.  Not even close but, well, it'll give you an idea.  

I need to do some more Googlation to find a place that will customize belt buckles.  I will make one for myself that reads:  'gina.

Saturday afternoon was about cheese and wine at Tim's while watching Trailer Park Boys (I must get this on Netflix!) and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.  Followed by a long (and well-deserved) nap.  We wrapped up the evening with drinks at Nepenthe and got to bed much earlier than the night before.  

Oh - and the "831.ASS.TAXI" photo above?  I spotted that gem at a gas station in Carmel Valley.  Imagine - an ass taxi!  I see a whole fleet of this type of transportation (e.g., rump rickshaw or breast bike).  It's the future of transportation, people!

Housewhores, mac 'n' cheese and cackles

Last night's viewing of the Real Housewhores was classic.  CLASSIC!

It started with a delish dinner of homemade mac 'n' cheese (thanks, Elsie!) and salad (thanks, Tami!).  This was all topped off by a cupcake tasting in preparation for Elsie's nuptials.  The peanut butter cupcake was far away the crowd favorite (and I'm still daydreaming about it now...).

The Housewhores were totally cackle-worthy.  And swoon-worthy (did you see Bethenny's hot Frenchie?!).  

But even better was our viewing of Daisy of Love afterward.  We all had to choose "boyfriends" (tough considering the pool of tards/ applicants).  My favorite line from the night came when Elsie said "he looks like he rode the short bus to the cemetary".

No, wait.  My favorite line was when Elsie yelled "you're all doofed up on hupcakes" (I think she meant to say "hopped up on cupcakes" but I'm not entirely sure.  I'm not fluent in Elsie-ese.

"Is this in 3D?"

OMG - yes! One of my all-time favorite movies.

Nicolas Cage is so meow meow in this movie, isn't he?

Have I told you how much I love this song?

Well - I do.

And, damn it, I am a special lady and a very exciting girl.  Oh yes, I am.

The adventures of Dean and the pudgy kittehs

Dean (and his mom) came over today to cuddle with the kittehs.  Oh, and hang my new bedroom curtains (have I ever told you that Elsie is my Schneider?).  Elsie rocks!!

How can you resist the cutest toddler in town when he's wearing a tank top.  A TANK TOP, people!!  Even the curmudgeonly kittehs couldn't resist his charms (and drool, hugs and kisses).

D-Pants!

Saw this on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show and I can't stop laughing.

It's the little things that make me happy

I'm a simple woman.  Small things make me very happy.  Right now I'm drinking water from this hella sweet Pabst glass that Elsie gave me.  She salvaged it from a box of miscellaneous sheesh that she found on CraigsList.  And I love it.

Marvin is curled up (and squeezed) in a box next to me on the kitchen table.  I love it.

And the City of Oakland remembered to send me a parking permit renewal form (they forgot last year).  I love it.

It's been a good day.  And I haven't even told you about my morning with Elsie and Dean.  We worked on wedding invitations (they're going to be darling!) and had a great lunch at Rudy's Can't Fail.  Ah...good times.

...and then he fed us pancakes...

Another fave

This morning I was listening to my iTunes and puttering around the house. All of a sudden this song comes on. I had forgotten about how much I LOVE this song. Don't you?

Posse up!

Rump Shaker

This is my new favorite website.  And I just watched the "Rump Shaker" video six times.  And I'm going back for more right now.

Another boozy weekend (yikes?)

It started with sunshine and good times at the A's game with Sar on Saturday afternoon.  When the server came to take my drink order I requested a glass of white wine.  If I had known it came in a wee plastic stemmed glass I wouldn't have.  But, well, it did.  So here I am sitting at a baseball game looking like a total douche with this "glass" in my hand.  Needless to say I drank it quicker than I should have (while Sar  says "I've never seen you drink that fast - are you embarrassed to be holding that ridiculous glass?").  The next glass went down more smoothly and more slowly...

That night I went bowling with Matt and Paul.  Ah, beer and bowling go together like Cocoa Pebbles and milk - and Diablo Lanes doesn't disappoint.

Spent Sunday evening with Traci in Dublin.  The suburbs are so weird.  Lanes are hella wide and abundant.  Women get dressed up to drink beer (well, not me...).  Men wear baseball caps.  Who knew?

"Say Yes" Andrea Gibson

How I dearly wish I was not here

Ha ha!

Even the cats love The Real Housewhores

Last night's gathering of friends to watch/mock The Real Housewhores of NYC was exceptional.  So good, in fact, that the cats even got into it (see photos above).

Jemmy, Loraine and The Tami came over for dinner and a good, old-fashioned Housewhore mockery.  Jemmy made the most delish salad, The Tami brought the happiness trifecta (wine, cheese and crackers) and Loraine brought homemade peanut butter rice krispie treats.  I contributed a loaf of bread (which my mom actually bought for me [true story...]).

Sadly we were missing the third member of the Tourette Triplets - Elsie Clever.  She was home sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection (which I believe is her idea of a euphemism for "the period before her period").

Thanks to The Tami's quick thinking (and quick texting skills) the night before I was able to VHS the sneak preview episode of Real Housewhores of NJ.  Oh - this is going to be a good year...

Noodles and Housewives

Ye olde Jamba crew met last night for a delightful dinner of Thai noodles and Real Housewives gossip.  I just don't think it gets any better than this - do you?

The ladies are all kinds of vocal and loud when it comes time to share their opinions on the Real Housewhores (e.g., "Gretchen and Slade aren't really dating - they just want to be on the show for any reason", "Kelly's pink boots are gross", "Ramona and her husband are either overly medicated or in severe need of medication" and various versions of "I'm up here...you're down there".  Funny how shy they get when their picture is taken, though.  Thankfully Sarah brought her new camera and coaxed some poses out of the ladies.  Unfortunately mine is a gesticulation action shot - not my finest moment...

Another new Crystal Gayle

Behold:  the Crystal Gaysian

In the words of Elsie Clever:

The best part is the guy on the edge of the frame checking her out. Like he's going to follow her into the ladies room to stroke her lovely tresses... Oi. 

New species of Crystal Gayle

Behold:  the Crystal Mayle!

Dean and his BFFs

Dean and Elsie came over yesterday.  Dean walked straight up to the kittehs to give them bear hugs, drools and snuggles.  Seriously the cutest thing I'd seen in a very long time.

When he came in for kitteh hugs he had an enormous smile on his face and was literally (lit'rally) shaking with excitement.  I could hardly contain myself.

Forgive me for recycling an old photo.  In all of the excitement yesterday I neglected to take pictures.  So - just imagine the cuteness.  

That's mighty big, sir...

Gentle readers - I can't believe it's taken me a week to tell you about the trip to Big Sur last weekend.  Shame!

Well, come closer and I'll tell you all about it.  Closer....closer.  Yes.  That's good.  Now listen up.

On Friday morning The Tami, Loraine and I pile into the petite wagon.  The first glimpse of how fun the weekend would be was when we washed down our lunch (at some cute place in Carmel Valley) with chipotle bloody marys.  Oh, yes.  YES!

After lunch it was just a hop, skip and a jump (my mom says that all the time - drives me crazy!) to Big Sur.  We checked into our motel (I love that word - so many connotations).  Then we explored Big Sur for a minute (no, I'm not exaggerating - it's that wee).  When it was time for another adult beverage we stopped at a place called The Roadhouse (another of my favorite words).  Sadly they weren't open yet and suggested we go to the River Inn instead.

Pulling into a parking spot at the River Inn who should walk right in front of us (literally)?  Tim (a friend of mine from my younger days at Pomona College)!  I knew we'd meet up during the weekend but hadn't yet called to say we'd arrived (bad IAH).  He joined us for some beverages (sleazy wahines [pineapple infused vodka and other fruity goodness] for all my [female] friends!).

After spending some quality time bellied up to the bar at the River Inn I felt like we'd met half the town (because we had - Tim knows everybody).  Then it was off to The Roadhouse for dinner.  Hella good Mexican food.

After dinner we returned to the homestead.  The Tami and Loraine were tuckered but I soldiered on.  Hung out with Tim at the motel bar (there was a DJ - so cosmopolitan!).

The next morning we had breakfast at Nepenthe's Cafe Kevah.  Eggs, coffee and an amazing view - what more can you ask for?  Then we headed north to Carmel.  We wandered the streets a bit - doing some shopping (mainly mocking the touristy wares).  Then we met up with Tim and his pals at the Cheese Shop for a wine and cheese extravaganza.  I don't remember how much we drank (it got a bit fuzzy after the magnum of champagne) but do remember that it was a crazy fun time.  We headed back to Big Sur for dinner.  We had the most amazing and delicious dinner at Nepenthe - for reals.  I'll be forever grateful to Tim for that :)

After dinner it was back to the homestead to see the bands playing at the motel bar.  Then off to bed to sleep off the afternoon/ evening drunkfest.  

The next day we had breakfast at Ripplewood and then left Big Sur.  We left rested and a bit hungover.  Isn't that how you should feel after every vacation?