Discrimination!

I feel I'm the victim of discrimination.  

Is it because I'm a woman?  No.  Is it because I'm a half-breed?  Nah.  Or because I'm the coolest, funniest, sassiest gal in town?  Probably (but that's not what I'm talking about today).

It's because I don't have a microwave.  That's right.  This world is geared toward microwave owners.  And not for me :(

Much to my mother's chagrin there is no microwave in my kitchen.  She brings it up every time she's cooking in my kitchen (which is not a rare occurrence).  I pooh-pooh her each time and show her how my kettle and/or saucepans can do the job in a jiffy.  And without that pesky radiation...

Trader Joe's is also not an advocate for those who live microwave-free.  A good number of their (frozen or refrigerated) products come with microwave heating instructions and nothing else.  Um, hello?!  Et tu, Trader Joe's?

And now let's talk about the Busken Bakery of Ohio.  Jemmy brings me a delightful loaf of schnecken from her visit to Ohio.  She suggests warming it up before eating.  I look at the packaging and there is a sticker with heating instructions:  slice and heat in microwave for ten seconds.  That's all they say - no other heating instructions.  AY!  (Note:  I warmed the schnecken in the oven and it was delish!).

Here's my point:  WTF?!  Throw me a bone, packaging people, and give some non-microwave heating instructions.  Dang!

Upgraded brushing

Today I bought an Oral-B electronic toothbrush.  Yes, that's right.  The box promises cleaner, whiter teeth in thirty days.  Is it possible?  Did I just succumb to marketing double-speak?  Am I really such a yuck-mouth that I need an electronic upgrade?  All of these questions (and more) will soon be answered.  Stay tuned...

My other favorite Christmas song

It's simply not Christmas without Elvis

Vagina or clown car?

What's the deal with families having obscene amounts of children and them pimping them out on television?  It seems like everywhere I look there are shows about enormous families.  What's the purpose of these shows?  Visual birth control?  Well, it is for me at least.

There's the "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" show with the jerky wife and wimpy husband.  Don't get me started on how awful this woman is, please...

I just saw something about the Duggar family on television (they recently welcomed their 18th child - 18TH!!!).  As upsetting as it all is, the highlight of all things Duggar is that their multiple female children (and mother) are keeping the Crystal Gayle hair look alive.  So, yeah - as much as these people gross me out I've got to give them props for that.  Keep it real, Duggars.  Keep it Crystal Gayle.

"Here's comes Crystal Gayle right down Crystal Gayle Lane..."

Elsie has done it again.  Yes, she's spotted another lovely specimen of Crystal Gayle hair.  How does she keep finding them?!  

It appears this "lady" is shopping for pinatas and/or feminine hygiene products (I'll have to ask Elsie for the full poop on this photo).  Regardless of the shopping intent I think the point is clear:  Crystal Gayle hair "ladies" are just like us.  YIKES!

Hills and mu shu = two great tastes that taste great together

I'm blogging live while waiting for the season finale of The Hills (don't judge me).  LIVE!

Dan and I are sitting on the couch, eating mu shu pork and giving constant commentary on The Hills mini-marathon (e.g., Lo is dead behind the eyes, does Spencer have a job besides being Satan's minion and why is Lauren dressed like Mrs. Roper?).

How will this season end?!  In my dreams JustinBooby (typo - but I'm keeping it) and Spencer turn gay, start dating each other and join the fight for Prop 8.  And Lo just goes away.  And Audrina gets one more plastic surgery to correct her upward eye look.  And Heidi stops over-bleaching her horse mane.  And Lauren stops giving "Hello Kitty face" whenever she doesn't feel like talking.  Stay tuned, bitches...

Pups in coats, eh?

The weather has been a bit cold and/or rainy over the past few weeks (it is winter, after all).  And, yes - I wear a coat when out and about in this weather.  And while I'm out and about I keep seeing more and more pups in coats.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Pups in coats.  WTF?

What's the deal?  Is this really necessary?  I mean - the weather isn't that bad (I live in Oakland, not Fairbanks).  And dogs have fur which I thought kept them warm.  Or is that just a ruse?  And do they need raincoats?  Are they made out of sugar and will melt away if touched by a drop of rain?  

Don't get me wrong.  I love pups.  But I prefer to see pups in their natural state (with fur showing) and not in a rain slicker or shearling coat.  I'm just saying...

Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Yes, please.

I had no idea this gem existed until last night.  For reals.  If these kids weren't all speaking with atrosh Maryland accents I'd swear this was filmed in my hometown (or in nearby Concord).

Last night Elsie, Loraine and I went to Jemmy's house for pizza and movie (a classic combo, no?).  We watched Heavy Metal Parking Lot and Marie Antoinette.  Now - when I saw "watched" what I really mean is gave non-stop running commentary.  Oh, good times...

:(

My dad passed away two years ago today.  I miss him every day. 

Mr. Belding?!

I really don't know what to say...

Cookies, gossip and Real Housewives

Had the greatest afternoon at Sarah's house today.  Sarah had invited me, Tami, Ann, Lisa, Catherine (and her new, precious baby Milly) over to decorate cookies.  Hella fun!

We decorated cookies, sipped tea and (brandy-laced) egg nog, gossiped and watched episodes of Real Housewives (don't judge us!).  Could this be the afternoon of my dreams?!  Come on - frosting, Real Housewives, friends and sipping sauce?  I think this is what heaven looks like.

As you can see from the photos, some of us have more decorating flair than others.  In case you were wondering, mine is the plate with the jacked up cookies.  You know - the ones that looked like accidents (well, mainly because two of mine did meet up with accidents) and the one that looks like a green Grimace :(

Crystal Gayle likes breakfast, too

The gods were surely smiling upon me today.  I woke up feeling like I'd pretty much kicked this bad cold (that wily son of a biscuit!) and met Loraine for breakfast at Rockridge Cafe (my first human contact since Monday).  

As we settled into our table the bounty of the gods really fell upon us.  A perfect specimen of Crystal Gayle hair sat down right behind me.  What are the chances?!

Boy am I glad I left my couch today!

All I need...

...is more 80s ballads.

Some douchebag neighbor is blasting hair metal in their apartment (I think it's Warrant or maybe Poison?).

I needed a little something something to counteract what "Kickstart My Heart" was doing to my psyche. Now I'm going to listen to the dulcet tones of Jack Wagner on repeat all night long (all night!).

Sloth and sniffles

I've had a cold since Monday (it is now Friday afternoon).  I have spent almost an entire week on the couch armed with a box of tissues, a blanket, the television remote and a cup of tea.  And my trusty kitties by my side (see photo above).

This is what I've learned (or relearned) during this week of sloth and sniffles:

1. daytime television is awful (except for People's Court)
2. MTV repeats their shows far too many times
3. recycled paper tissues (e.g., Seventh Generation) are not gentle or kind on your nose
4. I love my lemon juicer 
5. I love Traditional Medicinals tea
6. there should be a service that delivers juice pops and gossip magazines

Hello, Crystal!

I've been remiss in my Crystal Gayle hair spotting duties lately.  But thank goodness for my CGH (that's "Crystal Gayle hair", of course) sidekick Elsie.  She's always on the prowl - and armed with a camera.

I believe this "beauty" was spotted during Elsie's recent visit to New Hampshire.  I shudder to think what her shower drain must look like...  

Weekend Silliness

Kicked off the weekend by spending quality time with Michelle on Saturday afternoon.  We went to her friend's housewarming party in Alameda.  The place was super cute (who knew?) but I couldn't help hearing my dad's voice in my head saying "Never live in Alameda - it's just landfill.  You're in trouble if there's an earthquake".  

Anyhoo - we giggled and socialized.  All in all - a very good afternoon.  And then...

...it was off to the city for dinner with Michael and Shawn at L'Osteria.  Dinner was nothing but silliness and laughs.  Seriously.  And the food was hella good, too.

From dinner we went to see Nicky at his bar tending debut at LaLola.  He did a great job.  Oh - and the sangria was delicious (and flowing freely).  

The next day I spent the afternoon with Matt.  We had mai tais at Kona Club (the tiki bar in my neighborhood).

It was a great weekend.  But then I woke up Monday morning feeling sick.  And here it is Thursday evening and I'm still sick.  Was it the weekend booze that did this to me?  Nah - it can't be.

Old Spice? Yes, please.

This is one of my favorite scents in the entire world. I'm serious.

I'm sick :(

Currently curled up on the couch (well, it's more of a love seat, actually) with a cup of tea and a box of tissues.  Ugh...

"I love my tail in these jeans!"

FYI - Tisha is at the top of my Christmas list this year.

Welcome to Waffle Country

Visited Waffle Country this morning (including a brief stop in the Bacon Barrio).  Met Denise and Jennie there for a delightful brunch.  It's a semi-regular outing for us.  Because we love this place.  Sure - we're always the youngest (and loudest) ones there.  But what's wrong with that?

The best part about a visit to Waffle Country is that you can choose a 1/2 waffle as your breakfast bread choice.  You heard me.  As Denise says "It's breakfast dessert!".  Yes, D.  It most certainly is.

This morning's breakfast was full of the usual (coffee and cackling).  But what made it even better was Jennie and her Rain Man ways.  I never knew she had the skills - but she does.  And she's not afraid to use them.

I need to get knocked up - ASAP

I know...I KNOW! This just made my ovaries smile.

So - raise your hand if you want to be my baby daddy. G'head - raise them up.

OK, now. You in the blue shirt - it's your lucky day ;)

Good day, guitar lessons. I said good day!

Today I decided to put my guitar lessons on hiatus :(

At tonight's lesson I told Brad (my guitar teacher) that we were officially breaking up. I played some (showing off my best songs [Jolene and Sunday Morning Coming Down]) and we bonded some (mainly over our mutual affection for The Carpenters).

Not sure how long this hiatus will last but for now it's the right thing to do.

Good day, guitar lessons. I said good day!

Madonna?

Last night I was on the couch snacking on popcorn and watching "Britney: For the Record" (don't judge me).

Much to my chagrin there was a cameo by Madonna - blech. So, yeah. I'm not a fan. Sure - I'll 80s dance and sing along to Borderline from time to time but other than that I'm all "Madonna? Meh...".

I've heard the pseudo-British accent before (but it's still alarming). But I've got to say - what the hell is going on with Madonna's face?! In fact, I'm not entirely sure it was Madonna speaking. She might have used Joan Rivers as a stand-in.

Spaghetti Cat (I Weep For You)

I can't quit you, Spaghetti Cat.