Discrimination!

I feel I'm the victim of discrimination.  

Is it because I'm a woman?  No.  Is it because I'm a half-breed?  Nah.  Or because I'm the coolest, funniest, sassiest gal in town?  Probably (but that's not what I'm talking about today).

It's because I don't have a microwave.  That's right.  This world is geared toward microwave owners.  And not for me :(

Much to my mother's chagrin there is no microwave in my kitchen.  She brings it up every time she's cooking in my kitchen (which is not a rare occurrence).  I pooh-pooh her each time and show her how my kettle and/or saucepans can do the job in a jiffy.  And without that pesky radiation...

Trader Joe's is also not an advocate for those who live microwave-free.  A good number of their (frozen or refrigerated) products come with microwave heating instructions and nothing else.  Um, hello?!  Et tu, Trader Joe's?

And now let's talk about the Busken Bakery of Ohio.  Jemmy brings me a delightful loaf of schnecken from her visit to Ohio.  She suggests warming it up before eating.  I look at the packaging and there is a sticker with heating instructions:  slice and heat in microwave for ten seconds.  That's all they say - no other heating instructions.  AY!  (Note:  I warmed the schnecken in the oven and it was delish!).

Here's my point:  WTF?!  Throw me a bone, packaging people, and give some non-microwave heating instructions.  Dang!

Upgraded brushing

Today I bought an Oral-B electronic toothbrush.  Yes, that's right.  The box promises cleaner, whiter teeth in thirty days.  Is it possible?  Did I just succumb to marketing double-speak?  Am I really such a yuck-mouth that I need an electronic upgrade?  All of these questions (and more) will soon be answered.  Stay tuned...

My other favorite Christmas song

It's simply not Christmas without Elvis

Vagina or clown car?

What's the deal with families having obscene amounts of children and them pimping them out on television?  It seems like everywhere I look there are shows about enormous families.  What's the purpose of these shows?  Visual birth control?  Well, it is for me at least.

There's the "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" show with the jerky wife and wimpy husband.  Don't get me started on how awful this woman is, please...

I just saw something about the Duggar family on television (they recently welcomed their 18th child - 18TH!!!).  As upsetting as it all is, the highlight of all things Duggar is that their multiple female children (and mother) are keeping the Crystal Gayle hair look alive.  So, yeah - as much as these people gross me out I've got to give them props for that.  Keep it real, Duggars.  Keep it Crystal Gayle.

"Here's comes Crystal Gayle right down Crystal Gayle Lane..."

Elsie has done it again.  Yes, she's spotted another lovely specimen of Crystal Gayle hair.  How does she keep finding them?!  

It appears this "lady" is shopping for pinatas and/or feminine hygiene products (I'll have to ask Elsie for the full poop on this photo).  Regardless of the shopping intent I think the point is clear:  Crystal Gayle hair "ladies" are just like us.  YIKES!

Hills and mu shu = two great tastes that taste great together

I'm blogging live while waiting for the season finale of The Hills (don't judge me).  LIVE!

Dan and I are sitting on the couch, eating mu shu pork and giving constant commentary on The Hills mini-marathon (e.g., Lo is dead behind the eyes, does Spencer have a job besides being Satan's minion and why is Lauren dressed like Mrs. Roper?).

How will this season end?!  In my dreams JustinBooby (typo - but I'm keeping it) and Spencer turn gay, start dating each other and join the fight for Prop 8.  And Lo just goes away.  And Audrina gets one more plastic surgery to correct her upward eye look.  And Heidi stops over-bleaching her horse mane.  And Lauren stops giving "Hello Kitty face" whenever she doesn't feel like talking.  Stay tuned, bitches...

Pups in coats, eh?

The weather has been a bit cold and/or rainy over the past few weeks (it is winter, after all).  And, yes - I wear a coat when out and about in this weather.  And while I'm out and about I keep seeing more and more pups in coats.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Pups in coats.  WTF?

What's the deal?  Is this really necessary?  I mean - the weather isn't that bad (I live in Oakland, not Fairbanks).  And dogs have fur which I thought kept them warm.  Or is that just a ruse?  And do they need raincoats?  Are they made out of sugar and will melt away if touched by a drop of rain?  

Don't get me wrong.  I love pups.  But I prefer to see pups in their natural state (with fur showing) and not in a rain slicker or shearling coat.  I'm just saying...

Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Yes, please.

I had no idea this gem existed until last night.  For reals.  If these kids weren't all speaking with atrosh Maryland accents I'd swear this was filmed in my hometown (or in nearby Concord).

Last night Elsie, Loraine and I went to Jemmy's house for pizza and movie (a classic combo, no?).  We watched Heavy Metal Parking Lot and Marie Antoinette.  Now - when I saw "watched" what I really mean is gave non-stop running commentary.  Oh, good times...

:(

My dad passed away two years ago today.  I miss him every day. 

Mr. Belding?!

I really don't know what to say...

Cookies, gossip and Real Housewives

Had the greatest afternoon at Sarah's house today.  Sarah had invited me, Tami, Ann, Lisa, Catherine (and her new, precious baby Milly) over to decorate cookies.  Hella fun!

We decorated cookies, sipped tea and (brandy-laced) egg nog, gossiped and watched episodes of Real Housewives (don't judge us!).  Could this be the afternoon of my dreams?!  Come on - frosting, Real Housewives, friends and sipping sauce?  I think this is what heaven looks like.

As you can see from the photos, some of us have more decorating flair than others.  In case you were wondering, mine is the plate with the jacked up cookies.  You know - the ones that looked like accidents (well, mainly because two of mine did meet up with accidents) and the one that looks like a green Grimace :(

Crystal Gayle likes breakfast, too

The gods were surely smiling upon me today.  I woke up feeling like I'd pretty much kicked this bad cold (that wily son of a biscuit!) and met Loraine for breakfast at Rockridge Cafe (my first human contact since Monday).  

As we settled into our table the bounty of the gods really fell upon us.  A perfect specimen of Crystal Gayle hair sat down right behind me.  What are the chances?!

Boy am I glad I left my couch today!

All I need...

...is more 80s ballads.

Some douchebag neighbor is blasting hair metal in their apartment (I think it's Warrant or maybe Poison?).

I needed a little something something to counteract what "Kickstart My Heart" was doing to my psyche. Now I'm going to listen to the dulcet tones of Jack Wagner on repeat all night long (all night!).

Sloth and sniffles

I've had a cold since Monday (it is now Friday afternoon).  I have spent almost an entire week on the couch armed with a box of tissues, a blanket, the television remote and a cup of tea.  And my trusty kitties by my side (see photo above).

This is what I've learned (or relearned) during this week of sloth and sniffles:

1. daytime television is awful (except for People's Court)
2. MTV repeats their shows far too many times
3. recycled paper tissues (e.g., Seventh Generation) are not gentle or kind on your nose
4. I love my lemon juicer 
5. I love Traditional Medicinals tea
6. there should be a service that delivers juice pops and gossip magazines

Hello, Crystal!

I've been remiss in my Crystal Gayle hair spotting duties lately.  But thank goodness for my CGH (that's "Crystal Gayle hair", of course) sidekick Elsie.  She's always on the prowl - and armed with a camera.

I believe this "beauty" was spotted during Elsie's recent visit to New Hampshire.  I shudder to think what her shower drain must look like...  

Weekend Silliness

Kicked off the weekend by spending quality time with Michelle on Saturday afternoon.  We went to her friend's housewarming party in Alameda.  The place was super cute (who knew?) but I couldn't help hearing my dad's voice in my head saying "Never live in Alameda - it's just landfill.  You're in trouble if there's an earthquake".  

Anyhoo - we giggled and socialized.  All in all - a very good afternoon.  And then...

...it was off to the city for dinner with Michael and Shawn at L'Osteria.  Dinner was nothing but silliness and laughs.  Seriously.  And the food was hella good, too.

From dinner we went to see Nicky at his bar tending debut at LaLola.  He did a great job.  Oh - and the sangria was delicious (and flowing freely).  

The next day I spent the afternoon with Matt.  We had mai tais at Kona Club (the tiki bar in my neighborhood).

It was a great weekend.  But then I woke up Monday morning feeling sick.  And here it is Thursday evening and I'm still sick.  Was it the weekend booze that did this to me?  Nah - it can't be.

Old Spice? Yes, please.

This is one of my favorite scents in the entire world. I'm serious.

I'm sick :(

Currently curled up on the couch (well, it's more of a love seat, actually) with a cup of tea and a box of tissues.  Ugh...

"I love my tail in these jeans!"

FYI - Tisha is at the top of my Christmas list this year.

Welcome to Waffle Country

Visited Waffle Country this morning (including a brief stop in the Bacon Barrio).  Met Denise and Jennie there for a delightful brunch.  It's a semi-regular outing for us.  Because we love this place.  Sure - we're always the youngest (and loudest) ones there.  But what's wrong with that?

The best part about a visit to Waffle Country is that you can choose a 1/2 waffle as your breakfast bread choice.  You heard me.  As Denise says "It's breakfast dessert!".  Yes, D.  It most certainly is.

This morning's breakfast was full of the usual (coffee and cackling).  But what made it even better was Jennie and her Rain Man ways.  I never knew she had the skills - but she does.  And she's not afraid to use them.

I need to get knocked up - ASAP

I know...I KNOW! This just made my ovaries smile.

So - raise your hand if you want to be my baby daddy. G'head - raise them up.

OK, now. You in the blue shirt - it's your lucky day ;)

Good day, guitar lessons. I said good day!

Today I decided to put my guitar lessons on hiatus :(

At tonight's lesson I told Brad (my guitar teacher) that we were officially breaking up. I played some (showing off my best songs [Jolene and Sunday Morning Coming Down]) and we bonded some (mainly over our mutual affection for The Carpenters).

Not sure how long this hiatus will last but for now it's the right thing to do.

Good day, guitar lessons. I said good day!

Madonna?

Last night I was on the couch snacking on popcorn and watching "Britney: For the Record" (don't judge me).

Much to my chagrin there was a cameo by Madonna - blech. So, yeah. I'm not a fan. Sure - I'll 80s dance and sing along to Borderline from time to time but other than that I'm all "Madonna? Meh...".

I've heard the pseudo-British accent before (but it's still alarming). But I've got to say - what the hell is going on with Madonna's face?! In fact, I'm not entirely sure it was Madonna speaking. She might have used Joan Rivers as a stand-in.

Spaghetti Cat (I Weep For You)

I can't quit you, Spaghetti Cat.

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

Tonight Jemmy and Loraine came over for M, P, P & P (that's movie, pizza, pie and pals).

While watching "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" we ate, snuggled with Marvin and Shamus, and made almost non-stop commentary on the movie.  Ah, good times.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to say "you" correctly ever again.  And starting tomorrow I'll be wearing a heart-shaped drawn on mole on my cheek (just like Baby Jane).  Just because I'm fancy like that. 

The $6 ice cream cone?!

This morning I'm in the car on the way home from the city (dropping off my grandmother).  Loraine calls to say she and Jean are heading to my neighborhood for lunch and a movie.  I say "Oh, yes!" and head on over to meet them at Fentons.  I'm all excited because I rarely go there (even though it's about 2 blocks from my house).

Loraine and Jean have lunch.  I opt for an ice cream cone instead.  One scoop, one flavor on a sugar cone.  That's it.  Nothing fancy.  So imagine my surprise when the bill arrives and the ice cream costs $5.25 (for the ice cream) and $0.50 (for the cone).  Um, what?  Since when do cones cost extra?  And since when does one scoop of ice cream on a cone cost $6?!  (And, yes - I know it adds up to $5.75 but I'm rounding up, people).

Note to self - I'm crossing Fentons off the list.  Those sons of biscuits really sock it to you (and not in a good way).

This commercial cracks me up

I can't quit you, Urban Cowboy

Watched "Urban Cowboy" this morning - oh how I love this movie. Seriously. What's not to love? It's the perfect storm of goodness (Debra Winger, mechanical bull and a honky tonk bar).

And it reminds me of a trip to Houston that I took in college (senior year?). Boyfriend and I drove from New Orleans to Houston for the Thanksgiving weekend. I was obsessed with finding Mickey Gilley's. I had visions of spending the afternoon drinking Budweiser from long neck bottles and riding a mechanical bull. Ah, so dreamy...

We spent hours driving around Pasadena, TX looking for this place. Kept asking people on the side of the road and at gas stations for directions to Gilley's. We finally arrive at the spot that was Gilley's (see photo above) to find out they'd up and moved to Branson, MO years before :(

Sonoma Square? I'm *so* there!

Had a beautiful afternoon in Sonoma today with Sarah and LilyPants.  

We lunched at The Girl & The Fig.  Wine and quiche.  Two great tastes that taste great together.  LilyPants ate a whole lot of ketchup (catsup?).  Sar had the greatest grilled cheese sandwich on the face of the earth.  Yes, you read that correctly.  For reals, yo.  The greatest.  If the sandwich could talk it would sound something like this.

Next stop was the El Dorado Kitchenette for beverages and snacks.  I opted for jasmine tea and a butterscotch cookie.  The precious boy working there was all "That jasmine is my favorite green tea".  I was all "You're precious" (OK - I didn't say that out loud - just in my head).  He's all "Have you tried Numi Tea?".  I'm all "Yeah, love it!".  He's all "Blah blah blah..." (I don't remember what he said - I was in boy/ tea reverie.  His words sounded like adults speaking in a Snoopy cartoon).

Then it was off to the park so LilyPants could play.  Spent some quality time on the slide as well as at the duck pond.  In the top photo is the man that Sar named the "Duck Whisperer".  Well, he was actually a homeless man with a bag of bread for the ducks.  But, really - if you're going to be homeless wouldn't you choose to live in Sonoma?  It's better than Xenia, OH, right?

Wine + pals = good times

Had wine, snacks and yip yap at Marc 49 last night with Jemmy and Loraine.  This place is a total hit.  Oh, yeah, and so are my friends.  

Marc 49 has even got a wee patio zone.  Come on - booze, snacks and heat lamps?  What's not to love?!

I never promised you a rose garden

I love this song. Especially when I'm in a really terrible mood (like I am this morning).

As an aside - isn't she a doppelganger for Alex on the Real Housewives of NYC?

My posse's on Broadway, erm, I mean Polk Street

Spent Friday night with my two favorite guys - Michael and Nick.  We were at Bar Johnny for Jess' birthday bonanza.  The place was wee and crowded but their cocktail menu was sweet!  I had a few cocktails made with tequila, basil and some other sheesh.  Don't remember what they called it but it has the word "posse" in the name - what's not to like?

So, with this posse beverage in my hand (and belly) and Michael and Nick (the two silliest guys I know) by my side you know it was a good time.  I don't remember a lot of details except for the foxy bartender, Michael's friend's checkerboard slip-on Vans (meow!), "I Want Your Sex" on the jukebox, my saying something totally inappropriate (and untrue) about Michael's and my relationship to his co-worker (yikes...) and the warm, tasty, maple-y goodness from Bob's.

Spending time with Michael and Nick made me nostalgic for the good old days.  Two Beer Wednesday anyone?

Land of the free and the home of the wave

I'm watching Dirty Jobs on the tele tonight (Mike Rowe - meow!).  He's working on an alligator farm and the guy who runs the farm is wearing a Tulane t-shirt (you know, IAH's alma mater and sheesh).  Way to represent, alley-gay-dah man.

You're so beautiful you could be a part-time model

Another glass of hell?

Had dinner last night with Ann, Sarah and The Tami at the Schnitzel Haus.  The food was good (albeit heavy) and the company was fabulous (highlight of the night [and there were many] was Sarah yelping "Yes, that guy's a pussy!" to The Tami's tale of a pussy boyfriend spotted at a sports bar this past weekend).  

Oh, yeah - and this song was playing in the background - enjoy:

Another highlight was the beer menu.  While we didn't recognize any of the options we felt we had to imbibe.  The first option on the menu had the word hell in it - how could I resist a tall glass of hell?  And, I'll tell you what - that glass of hell sure was good.  If hell is really that smooth and tasty - count me in.

Need more pup in your life?

Check out this precious pup cam.  I'm going to make a cuppa cocoa, bring the laptop to the wee couch and cancel the rest of today's plans.

I think that their squeaks translate to "I love you, Aunt IAH".  In fact, I know they do.

Douchebags on parade

Went to the mall today (don't judge me!) and, well, yikes...

Things I learned at the mall today:

• young girls dress like whores
• their moms wear too much makeup (and hair spray)
• perfume gives me a headache (except for the one I wear, of course)
• the kiosks in the middle of the mall floor sell nothing but total poo (Clip on hair extensions?)
• handbags at Nordstrom are expensive
• handbags at H&M are cheapy
• people seem to think it's acceptable to talk on the phone all the time (e.g., in the bathroom, while shopping)
• I have become either a total crabbypants and/or mean old lady
• I have a crush on Tim Robbins 
• almost everybody at the mall call be classified as a douchebag (in my book, that is)

A weekend so good I'm only now (sort of) recovering

Oh, jeez - I don't even know where to begin.  All I can say is that it was the most fun-, action-, food- and friend-filled weekend I've had in a while.

Friday night was dinner in Santa Cruz with Jose, Juan Jose and Dana.  I miss seeing Jose and Juan Jose every day - those guys just kill me.  And Dana?  Well, she's just the best hostess in the whole wide world.  Delicious cocktails and wicked good food (oysters with bacon, people, oysters with bacon!!).

Saturday was spent napping/ recovering and then off to Loraine's birthday dinner.  Had a great time and the food was very good.  Elsie and I had some kind of peanut curry tofu - yes, please.  Finished the night off with The Tami's homemade cupcakes - oh, yeah...

Spent Sunday with Paul and Matt.  Celebrated Paul's birthday with lunch at Benihana (in Concord, of course - ay dios mio!).  The food was really good (as were the mai tai and sake).  And these boys are so precious they even watched a couple of episodes of Real Chance of Love with me :)

Who has the greatest friends in the whole world?  IAH does, that's who.

Nice try, MTV

This morning I get an email from Daily Candy about the launch of a new MTV website that has nothing but music videos (side note - Who writes for Daily Candy?!  Their sheesh is so weak).  

Wowee wowee wow wow - what a concept!  Per Daily Candy they have "just about any video ever made on demand".  Now that's what I'm talking about.  Do I need to remind you guys that I was raised on a steady diet of MTV, The Monkees and The Love Boat?

So I immediately click on through to the site and try out their search function.  Of course, my first search is for Billy Idol (I could use a little "White Wedding" with my morning cuppa coffee).  And...they don't have it.  Next search is for "Mexican Radio".  And...they don't have it.  Then I screamed "Screw you, Martha Quinn!" and threw my remaining coffee onto the computer.  OK, no - I would never do that.  But I did close out of the MTV music site never to return.  Nice try, MTV - but if you don't have Billy Idol and/or Mexican Radio then you don't have IAH. 

Get well soon, Merle

Nobody sings the old country song subject trilogy (booze, women and freedom) like Merle Haggard. This song (my Merle favorite) makes me want to break up and drink away the day - and isn't that what life's really all about?

Here's to my second favorite Merle (Merle Sande is my #1 Merle)!  Get well soon.

Steve Guttenberg?!

Wish this happened in my local park - meow!

Purity balls?

Saw this show on Purity Balls on television - scary stuff.

I love the idea of promoting relationships between fathers and daughters but this is not the way. According to families in this purity movement a woman's worth is in her beauty and chastity. There is nothing more to look forward to than saving yourself (and your first kiss) for your wedding day. Um, yeah...

How about encouraging daughters to value their intelligence? To educate and challenge themselves? To develop into compassionate, responsible adults? Instead they are brainwashed into judgmental chattel who pass from being their father's property to their husband's property. Instead of embracing their sexuality it is taken away - first by their father and then by their husband.

Happy birthday, Vanilla Ice

He inspires me to cook MCs like a pound of bacon. Thank you, Vanilla Ice.

Excuse me - I have to shave stripes in my eyebrows now.

I'm in the mood for a hot steamer, are you?

I spotted this gem at the grocery this afternoon.  

Steamers.  That's right.  Steamers.  Who gave the thumbs up on this product name?!  And please note they come "with sauce"...

I imagine these are big sellers in Cleveland?  ;)

"What is oozing out of our ground?"

The best part isn't the poor spelling, errant apostrophes, her delusional ramblings or even the tricky camera work at the end. No - the best part is the siren in the background. Or that the credits say she lives in Northern California. Mommy - is that you?

Celine Dion is amazing!

She's my hero.

Real life is 3D enough, thanks...

After a stimulating and intensely competitive afternoon of bowling and pizza, Paul, Matt and I went to see The NIghtmare Before Christmas yesterday.  (Note for those keeping track - it was the second visit to Concord in one day - probably an IAH record [hopefully never to be repeated]).

Reactions to seeing the movie (before we go):

Matt: OMG - yay!  I love this movie!!  Hurry up - let's go.

Paul: I've only seen it once (and was stoned at the time) but we should go.

IAH: I've never seen it.  Sure - I'll go.

Upon arriving at the theater we are given 3D glasses.  Who-what?!  Can't even remember the last time I rocked a pair of 3D glasses (Jaws 3D, maybe?).  

So, the previews were in 3D - pretty cool.  However, the 3D effects of The Nightmare Before Christmas were pretty lame.  That's right, lame.

Mid-movie reactions:

Matt: The 3D is dumb and distracting - can we go?

Paul: These glasses hurt my ears but I like the movie - don't remember seeing it before.

IAH: I hope the girl (Jessica?) puts out at the end.

We ignored Matt and stayed through the whole movie.  I'm glad we did.  The moral of the story:  don't believe the hype - real life is 3D enough.

It's all fun and games until...

... your pizza lands on the cat's flank.

Picture this.  It's Friday night.  Jemmy and I are having a big time.  We're sitting on my couch, watching Election, drinking wine and eating pizza from Zachary's.  Marvin is on the armrest to Jemmy's left.  Shamus is prostrate on Jemmy's lap.

Seems like things couldn't get any better, yes?  But wait, there's more...

Jemmy's eating a slice of pizza with a fork (it's Zachary's after all).  She cuts off a small piece and the remaining portion of pizza flies off the plate and lands directly on Shamus' flank (see the photo above [re-created, of course]).  Ba ha ha ha!!

Jemmy gingerly lifts the slice from Shamus' flank.  There's a sprinkling of chili pepper flakes on a small, greasy, matted tuft of fur.  But otherwise he's unharmed.  In fact - he doesn't even react.  That kid's got so much fluff on his flank - it'd take a lot more than a projectile slice of pizza for him to notice.

Jemmy + pizza + fluff = hijinks.

Barry White - the $ years

I don't know how to sugarcoat this so I'll just say it - my financial advisor sounds a lot like Barry White.  A lot!

Now, I've never heard him croon "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe" but I'm sure he'd totally rock it (note to self:  invite him to next karaoke outing).

Sometimes this similarity creeps me out and sometimes I get a kick out of it.  Today was one of those "kick out of it" days.

The best part is that he looks like the anti-Barry White.  He's your average mid-sized, middle-aged, white man.  100% cracker.  I suspect he's quite conservative.  Two kids, wife and a house in a tony East Bay suburb.  However - he is a kick in the pants.  When we speak (on the phone or in person) it's always a hootenanny.  Or, well, as much of a hootenanny as it can be when you're talking to a finance guy...

So in my imagination it's actually Barry White who's handling my sheesh - and I get a huge kick out of that ;)

"I love the sexy slither of a female snake"!

For the first time in a long time...

...I don't know what to say.

Crock pot tales

I've got a tuna casserole in the crock pot.  Am thinking about making a pot of tea.  The couch is beckoning me.  Should I have a cup of coffee or take a nap?

I wish I were classy enough to shop here...

Ah...another day, another spelling atrocity.

Today Loraine and I went to the Great Mall in Milpitas (don't judge us!).  While walking through this atrocity of a mall we stumble upon a store called Classey Lady.  Imagine!

We didn't go in.  You know why - do I really need to spell it out?  It's because we all know that at times I can be klassy, am never classy and have little hope of ever achieving classey.  But - it gives me something to strive for.

Can I count on my friends to help me achieve classey?  I hope so.

I hereby launch my campaign:  Classey IAH 2009.  Watch out - I'll be so classey it'll blow your mind...

"Is that Dave Coulier?"

That Dave Coulier line is the best part. And the stuff about the mullet. Aw, sheesh - it all made me giggle.

My next boyfriend

Who can resist "The Final Countdown"?!

For Sweet Loraine

Mantyhose?

Every man I know (and have ever known) will be getting Mantyhose for Christmas.  Oh, I shouldn't have spoiled the surprise.  Damn it, Janet!

Hay-seuss juice

This morning I'm getting my iChat on with Dan (he's on vacation in Europe [currently in Prague]). 

He's telling me that he's about to go dinner and I say "Have a glass of Jesus Juice with your meal".  He's all "What?".  I'm all "You know - it's what Michael Jackson uses to ply young boys into submission".  He's all "Of course - how could I forget?".

So as of now I'm totally obsessed with Jesus Juice.  After I finish this cuppa coffee I think I'll chase it with a nice glass of Jesus Juice.  Sweet sweet Jesus Juice... 

Breakfast bonanza

Had a fabulous breakfast yesterday at Aunt Mary's Cafe on Telegraph.  Not only was the food delish but everyone we met (especially our fabu waitress, Amanda) was a total doll.  Only wish I hadn't been so tired and hungover - would have enjoyed it even that much more :)

Loraine had a breakfast burrrrrito.  Dean had baby food from a jar.  Elsie had a greens and potato thing with eggs and a biscuit.  I had the usual (eggs and bacon) with a biscuit.  Oh - the biscuit!  

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better I received some late-breaking news this morning.  Our favorite old-timey country band, The Sweet 'n' Lo's, will be playing at Aunt Mary's Cafe from 12 - 2 on Saturday 10/25.  Ukuleles and biscuits.  Two great tastes that taste great together :)

My Big Redneck Wedding

Have I told you how much I love "My Big Redneck Wedding"? The greatest love stories of our generation...

All kinds of wrong...

These are a few of my least favorite things

1. children with "rat tail" hair
2. people who shuffle their feet when they walk
3. Mariah Carey
4. pokey drivers
5. people who snort and swallow their snot instead of blowing their nose

Kitty porn

I've been writing adoption bios (aka kitty porn) for Maine Coon Adoptions for a few months now.

I found this organization at a cat adoption event down the street from my apartment.  I'm definitely not in the market to adopt any pets (have my hands full with Marvin and Shamus) but I couldn't resist checking them out.

I love that they work with Maine Coons (although they do have other kitties as well).  Marvin and Shamus are Maine Coons.  I'd never heard of this breed until I adopted them but now I'm hooked.

Anyhoo - back to kitty porn.  I have to admit - I love seeing the photos of the kitties up for adoption.  But every once in a while there's one that's so cute it just about kills me.  Kills me.  One of those deadly photos came across my email this morning.  A big, beefy kitty named Asian.  His curled paws in the photos put me over the edge.  Admit it - you can't resist, either - can you?

Jive turkeys?

Phew - it's been a busy (but great) day!  Started innocently enough with a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of coffee.  Then it was off for a bike ride (I LOVE my new bike!).  Midway through my ride I spot a flock of wild turkeys - what?!  The photos are a bit blurry (I was tired, sweaty and the sun was shining too brightly - really...).

Then it was off to meet my mom at Peet's for some iced tea and yip yap.  And, being the super mom that she is, she had some treats for me.  My mom and stepdad were in LA over the weekend and my mom brought me some favorites from Porto's:  plantain chips, tres leches cake and a wee napoleon.  Who has the best mom?  IAH does, that's who.

Then I raced home to meet Michelle.  We headed up Piedmont Avenue to Mountain View Cemetery.  We found where her great grandparents are buried.  Then walked around the cemetery (it's really more like a hilly park, I swear).  We came back down Piedmont Avenue for lunch and then wandered around the neighborhood.

I'm tuckered out.  I think I'll sit on the couch with my cats and watch television now.  Bye.

I love them

Those who know me know that I love Simon and Garfunkel. LOVE!

I took guitar lessons for years when I was in early/ mid elementary school. In high rotation in these classes were Simon and Garfunkel songs (as well as John Denver - but I'll save that for another day).

This, my friends, is my all-time favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs. Enjoy...

Jolene!

Of the small arsenal of songs I can now painstakingly play on my guitar this is my favorite.

Sure - I don't play that well (yet) and don't sing like Dolly Parton but I do my best.

P 'n' P

P 'n' P.  You just can't beat it.  Some call it "Platypus and Pantalones".  Some say it's "Penis and Pencils" or even "Peanuts and Pirates".  Call it what you will - it's just a great time at Lanesplitter.

Last night's highlights:

• Jemmy's "best Korean"
• The Tami's dirrty jokes
• Loraine's country shirt debut
• Elsie freaking out about "girl in the olive shirt"

Damien2008

Yikes!  I had dinner at Chow (oh, how I love Chow!) last night with Sarah and Michael.  Amidst the yummy food and yip yap I glance up and am awestruck by what I've just spotted.  Let's just call this child Damien2008.  Why?  Um, because he's the doppelganger for Damien in the original Omen movie.  Yes, it's true.  I'm not exaggerating.  I swear.  Was it creepy?  Oh, yeah.  

Now, while I don't know if he was marked with the number of the beast he still made me very uneasy.  For reals.  

Are you trying to seduce me, JLo?

Lately it seems like every photo I see of JLo is all about bedroom eyes and "you know you want to French me" lips.  What's the deal?  If she wants to make out with me all she has to do is ask.  This pose is making her look desperate.  And I don't make out with "desperate".  Well, only sometimes.  But just to first base ;)